


Requiem for a Songstress

by venomousOctopus



Category: The Caligula Effect (Video Game)
Genre: (eventually) - Freeform, (s), Asuka Natsume Lives AU, Caligula Effect Spoilers, Canon Trans Character, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Multi, Recovery, self-harming thoughts, slowburn, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-03-20 01:10:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18982123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/venomousOctopus/pseuds/venomousOctopus
Summary: An everlasting cradle, a never-ending loop. All happiness was forgiven and all sins were discarded. It was heaven in the most purest form, and they were only ever meant to exist in this realm.But all angels will fall to reality eventually.Among clipped wings, lost voices, harsh dreams and broken thrones, the former keepers of Mobius find hope in a world that always seemed too harsh to bear.





	1. Anemone

**Author's Note:**

> oh boy, well. ive been wanting to write a postcanon caligula fic for like, a year now (since the anime finished airing) and now that i finished Overdose it's time to finally put this shit in motion. I especially wanted an AU where Thorn lives bc I think the fact that she dies in every route you go on to be really disappointing especially when there's so much potential for her.... While this was originally gonna focus mostly on Thorn and Shogo and them coming to terms with their situation + Ichika, it ended up being a more general fic about the entire cast instead (from the pov of the RePLiCA girls). So even if you don't like the ship I hope you still give it a try :' D
> 
> sidenote: I hc Asuka Natsume as being someone who doesn't particularly care about what pronouns people use for them/how they get referred to, but I'll be switching between he or she depending on whichever feels more thematically relevant at the time. Lucid is also referred to with they bc I like the NB Lucid idea a lot

Natsume wakes up to gentle light streaming through the window, shining low on the white tiles of the hospital and just barely grazing the rough synthetic blanket. When Natsume looks at his-no that’s not correct, she’s supposed to be Ichika- _her_ hands, she thinks there should be some red nail polish on them. It didn’t look right, and she wondered whether if she dug into her skin deep enough, the blood would make a good enough substitute until she got a real bottle.

 

_“You and I both have to stop running away and just face her already. Accept that she died.”_

 

 She tried moving her hand, but realized belatedly that there was an IV drip attached, and sensors attached to her chest. If she tried anything, the nurses would come running in. How inconvenient.

 

_“Let’s go home, Natsume. To the world where she was.”_

 

She grit her teeth and slammed her fist against the bed frame. The pain was unbearable. This body was unbearable. The cuts of her nails digging into her palm, the fatigue blanketing her entire body, and the blossoming bruise from her outburst, it all felt too visceral. It just reminded Natsume that he was alive. _He_ shouldn’t be alive.

Neither of them deserved to live. Not in a world without her.

 

_“I won’t let you die, Natsume. You’re not running away either, I won’t let you.”_

_“What gives you the right to say that?! Why? After what you did?!”_

_“That’s exactly why! I won’t run anymore, I don’t want to leave you alone like I did her, so Natsume...please, come home.”_

 

She remembered now, Shogo’s strong grip on her arm. How he pulled her back from the edge of the abyss that she so desperately wanted to be blanketed by. She remembered struggling in his hold, screaming and scratching so pathetically that she could hardly believe it was herself (it wasn’t Ichika it was _him-_ ). It didn’t make sense. She hated him. She hated him _so_ much. Why couldn’t he let her _go_ -

 “So… you’re finally awake.”

Natsume immediately whipped her head towards the voice, and glowered. Even after not having heard the real one for years, the voice was embedded deep into her heart, immediately setting off a thousand thoughts per minute. (But all she could really think right now was Why Why _Why_ )

“Geez, it took you a bit. I thought you might just stay asleep forever.” Shogo sat at the edge of her vision, looking so much like he had during their high school years: tired, bored, yet always fond. How long had he sat beside her bed? It disgusted her.

“It would be preferable to talking with you, Shogo.”

“You know, I expected this reaction.” he rubbed the back of his head. “Um, did you- uh, grow your hair out? It’s new… well, uh, it’s not _bad_ -”

“Are you just going to pretend we can start over?” Natsume scoffed. “You’re an idiot. Don’t talk to me ever again and let me rot here.”

“Can you give me a fucking break here? This isn’t easy for me either!”

“Then why bother? Why couldn’t you have just let me fall then? You hate me, right?” she looked straight at him, her glare piercing and cold. The question of ‘Why do you care _now?_ ’ hovered on the edge of her lips, but she couldn’t bare voicing it.

“No I don’t- life isn’t _easy_ , Natsume. I grew up and learned that.”

“Too little, too late, isn’t it?”

“You’re still alive, aren’t you?”

“I don’t want to be.”

Shogo stayed quiet then, and Natsume let herself smile. Any small victory over Shogo was worth clutching onto, when he was the only other thing that kept her patchwork identity in Mobius going. Her hatred for Shogo and her love for Ichika: at its most basic, those had always been the two sides of the being called Thorn.

“...Would you do the same thing then?” Shogo finally asked, his voice sounding painfully strained.

“What do you mean?”

“If she- Ichika… if she didn’t want either of us to save her, would you have let her fall?”

The words were a stab into her heart, and Natsume bristled. “How _dare_ you try and justify yourself-”

“Answer me, Natsume!” Shogo slammed his fist to the wall.

“No! No, of course not! How could you even _think_ I would?”

“Then that’s your answer.” Natsume noticed now that Shogo’s fist on the wall was meant as support, and his body was trembling. “I don’t care how much you hate me, I’m not letting you die.”

With that, he left, leaving a glare in his wake. Natsume couldn’t help but let her eyes linger to the door of her room, her stomach twisting as she seethed. She couldn’t even be angry about Shogo getting the last word right now. She hated him. Hated him so much. How could he think _He_ \- Natsume, was more worthy than Ichika. How could he ever compare them?

The hospital room felt painfully empty then, and Natsume curled her arms around himself.

 

* * *

 

It took Natsume another few days before she spoke to anyone else from besides the hospital staff. The doctors had more or less done their final check-ups on her, but kept her monitored so they could ask her questions about Astral Syndrome. As patient zero, and being in the condition for six long years, Natsume had been the best patient to research the phenomenon. It was pointless to explain everything, so she didn’t.

It was a dreamlike state.

Perhaps mass hallucination?

Maybe something from the morphogenetic field?

She suggested many things, but none of the doctors seemed convinced. It didn’t matter, anyway, she just wished they could leave her alone.

Her phone was given to her when they deemed her well enough to walk around on her own. It took her another day to actually check it. In 13 years, her phone hadn’t changed, the text messages from Ichika and Shogo locked into it like a beloved jewelry box. She remembered pouring herself over the texts, over and over, carving every aspect of Ichika’s personality, mannerisms, even her diction into His soul. At first it was only to figure out _why_ , but soon it felt like he had to keep her alive somehow (no matter the cost).

The text icon in the bottom of her screen taunted her, and Natsume almost wanted to crush the phone against the desk. The only thing that stopped her was a little icon with a small dot, one too-familiar, but that shouldn’t have existed.

Curiosity provoked, she tapped the WIRE icon.

> **μ:** Hi Thorn!
> 
> **μ:** I thought you would be lonely so I took Aria’s idea and kept your WIRE contacts in the real world!
> 
> **μ:** Make sure you get along with everyone in the real world too, okay!

Natsume read the message once, then twice, and then stared blankly at it. Upon a bit more fiddling she realized that it really had been copied completely, with message history going back from even the very beginning of when she gathered the Musicians.

Mu really was so naive, but that had always been the thing Thorn loved about her, hadn’t it? Corrupting her was just another mark on Natsume’s list of sins. She didn’t deserve this.

> **Thorn:** Why?
> 
> **Thorn:** I was never in much contact with the Musicians anyway.
> 
> **Thorn:** This was a pointless endeavour, μ
> 
> **μ:** But…
> 
> **μ:** I thought… The other Musicians wished it so…
> 
> **Thorn:** I’m not them. I doubt they think well of me regardless.
> 
> **μ:** That’s not true! I’m sure they would love to talk to you Thorn ^_^
> 
> **μ:** Please?

Natsume sighed. At the very least, she owed a favour to Mu, after what she did. The main Musician group chat had seemed...active, and she didn’t feel like checking it at the moment, but from the glance at some of the notifications she’s getting, it seemed like Sweet-P and Ike-P were arguing about their favourite brand of facial masks.

How utterly mundane. There was no way she could speak in there, so she muted it. It’s not like she had to monitor it as their leader anymore.

She glanced over the names that lined her contacts, mentally compiling all the pros and cons of messaging any of them. Natsume contemplated sending a message to Kuchinashi, and immediately ruled it out. Though they were in similar boats, speaking to Kuchinashi felt, wrong. She was far kinder than most people had given her credit for, and Natsume didn’t feel like reminding her about what she lost (again). It took her an hour of staring at the screen before a sudden message made her flinch.

> **Lucid:** Hey how are you?
> 
> **Lucid:** I heard from Shogo that you’re awake

Of course they would.

Lucid… The ever annoying unreadable meddler. She had hoped them joining the Musicians would have led them to understand their methods, but ironically, it had only strengthened the resolve of the other Musicians to leave. Natsume could never figure out whether their supernatural ability to draw out people’s trust was just their natural kindness, or a deliberate provoking of all the people they spoke to. If perhaps, that talent was used another way, Lucid could have manipulated the Go Home Club into staying, too.

> **Thorn:** Yes.
> 
> **Thorn:** Unfortunately.
> 
> **Lucid:** I’m guessing your conversation didn’t go well huh
> 
> **Thorn:** He shouldn’t have come in to begin with.
> 
> **Lucid:** Yeah, I didn’t think it was a good idea for him either
> 
> **Lucid:** But he insisted
> 
> **Lucid:** I’m glad he’s being more proactive but… I’m worried
> 
> **Lucid:** I don’t want him to push himself too much, you know

 Her stomach twisted, and a sudden wave of nausea hits her. A part of Natsume wanted to block Lucid now and go back to sleep (maybe steal some medicine and never wake up).

> **Lucid:** Hey Thorn?
> 
> **Lucid:** Thorn?
> 
> **Lucid:** Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, I know you have your own problems
> 
> **Thorn:** It’s fine.
> 
> **Thorn:** We’re both in agreement then. Don’t let him speak to me.
> 
> **Lucid:** Well, I mean, I can give him advice but I can’t exactly TELL him what to do…
> 
> **Thorn:** Did you tell the others.
> 
> **Lucid:** About
> 
> **Thorn:** Who Lucid really was?
> 
> **Lucid:** what
> 
> **Lucid:** Oh.
> 
> **Lucid:** That.
> 
> **Thorn:** It would be a shame if the other Musicians never got to meet the person that helped them face this world.
> 
> **Lucid:** Yeah, uh, I kinda said that I had to move to another country so I only talk to them through WIRE
> 
> **Lucid:** I do feel kinda bad for it, but I figured if I tell the truth now, it would just ruin the good thing they and the GHC had going, right?
> 
> **Thorn:** How utterly duplicitous of you.
> 
> **Thorn:** For all you talked about facing the painful reality, you can’t even do that.
> 
> **Lucid:** You’re not going to tell
> 
> **Thorn:** No.
> 
> **Lucid:** them- oh. Ok good
> 
> **Thorn:** I would stand to gain nothing from it.
> 
> **Lucid:** Sorry, I guess I’m still worried.
> 
> **Lucid:** You didn’t even tell them back then so I know you wouldn’t

 Lucid had always been a little bit of an odd duck, but Natsume wondered now how they thought of their little experiments back in Mobius. They’ve played along with the whims of people like Mirei and Wicked, and still came through to a breakthrough somehow (though some part of her figured those two always wanted someone to understand them and was desperate for the first person that came by). Despite everything, Lucid never truly learned anything about her until just before they fought.

She wondered what Shogo said to them. Had he mentioned Him at all?

A sudden anxiety gripping her, Natsume read through the conversation again. And again. And again for good measure. She kept reading over the “I’m worried”, letting it settle and fester in her brain. The “I shouldn’t push him” rolling it around with her voice and repeating it, the words stinging bitter on her tongue. Oh, Natsume _knew_ just how horrifically Shogo was affected by her actions as Thorn. She considered every violent shake, every anguished scream- all of it a twisted sense of victory, a revenge that she believed Ichika wanted.

Believed. Would Ichika have really wanted this?

She supposed she never really understood her at all.

 

* * *

 

Natsume found herself standing in front of the sleeping body of the girl known as Marie Mizuguchi. She didn’t quite know why, she just remembered wandering the halls in a daze, and four hours later she was here.

It was odd seeing her like this. Everyone in Mobius was a teenager, yes, but the Musicians had always carried themselves with an air that all too easily betrayed their true ages. Among Wicked’s cackles, unsettling personality and abrasive air, it had never really hit Natsume that the girl was only 17 years old. It was never in her business to pry into the lives of the people she only ever used to grant her wish, but Wicked’s soul had struck her.

She heard the creak of the door open, and heard the incoming footsteps stop. Natsume didn’t bother to turn to face whoever just entered, and turns out, she didn’t need to do when a high schooler with glasses had bounded beside her.

“Who are you? What are you doing with Marie?”

Natsume didn’t exactly know why herself, so she settled. “Visiting.”

“Whaaat? But- but, you’re in the hospital too, aren’t you? Are you like her uncle or something?”

“No. We… worked together. I suppose. What about you?”

“I’m her friend! Or- kind of. I guess.” The girl looked sad then, looking over to Marie’s sleeping face. “I think I am.”

“What kind of answer is that?”

“It’s complicated, okay? You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you!”

“Humour me.”

“Why should I? I don’t even know your name! For all I know, you could just be some creep!”

“Natsume.”

“...Huh?”

“Asuka Natsume. That’s what I’m called here.”

The girl’s shock was sudden, and she looked up at her immediately. She didn’t expect that name to be familiar to the teenager, but couldn’t bring herself to care. The girl’s brows were wrinkled, and something that seemed like horror dawned on her.

“N-Natsume? You’re Shogo’s-“

 _That_ had, and her voice was venomous when she snapped. “How do you know him?”

The girl flinched. “I, uh- I don’t know if you remember me but we fought… in the Grand Guignol. Thorn… right?”

The silence that stretched then was tense, as the pieces fell into place. Though everyone tended to change their appearance in Mobius, even just a little, the glasses were distinctive, as was her voice.

“...You’re Morita.”

“...Um. Yeah.”

Wasn’t Morita the girl who Marie captured back then? Why is she here?

Naruko fidgeted in her spot, glancing from Marie to Natsume, to a wall, to her feet, then to Marie again. Her hands were twitching, obviously itching to grab a phone, Natsume could tell, but either tact or nervousness had prevented her from doing so.

“Do the others know you’re visiting her?” Natsume asked, her voice even.

“...No, I don’t think any of them like her much.”

“That’s to be expected.”

“Hey! That’s a little harsh!”

“It’s the truth. She’s a twisted girl who enjoyed watching relationships fall apart, and who only found joy in other people’s pain. Insufferable to work with, really.”

“So she never…” Naruko trailed off, staring at the face of the comatose girl.

“The Catharsis Effect did little to change her true feelings, and now you know why.”

“Marie…”

Natsume couldn’t understand why the girl still looked at Marie with such a forlorn expression. Whatever friendship they shared in the class had been nothing but a front Wicked kept up to further crush people’s hope for her own amusement. Thorn had known that and didn’t care, re-brainwashing the people Wicked had ruined was child’s play, and Wicked’s outpouring of hate and bitterness were the perfect fuel to corrupt Mu.

‘Hey… um, Thorn…” Naruko’s voice was quiet, unsure. “I don’t know if it’s right to ask but… do you know what Marie wished for in Mobius?”

“You could probably guess, can’t you? She’s as good as dead in this world.”

“No but-! There has to be some reason she’s...” Naruko trailed off, and Natsume scoffed inwardly.

 _Like_ **_what_ ** _? So abhorrent and detestable? So violent and cruel?_

“She wished to be allowed the freedom to live life the way she wanted. It just so happens that she was a sociopath. 

Naruko bit her lip, and glanced over to Marie again. “That’s so sad… Did she really want that?”

The ‘yes’ that lingered on her lips was suddenly impossible to utter, and Natsume followed the girl’s gaze.

 

_I don’t care how much you hate me, I’m not letting you die._

 

Natsume found herself humming Cosmo Dancer when she walked back to her room.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, she woke up to a WIRE message. It took her only 20 minutes to work up the nerve to check her phone this time. 

> **Kuchinashi:** I don’t know if you’re awake yet but I just want to ask how you’re doing.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Sorry I couldn’t message you earlier, things were really busy the last couple of days.

Aside from Lucid, Kuchinashi had been the only other Musician she had spoken to more candidly. Like Wicked, Kuchinashi’s heart had resonated with her. The desire for revenge and nothing else was something she felt all too viscerally, and beyond her plan to corrupt Mu, Thorn had wanted to help Kuchinashi get what she wanted. With the object of Kuchinashi’s revenge dead and gone, Natsume wondered what she did now.

> **Thorn:** It’s alright.
> 
> **Thorn:** I’m grateful for your message regardless.
> 
> **Thorn:** How have your awakening been?
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Difficult
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** But.. kind of fun.
> 
> **Thorn:** Fun?
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Mirei and Ike-P offered to let me stay with them
> 
> **Thorn:** That is hard to believe.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I thought so too, but they insisted.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Well...Tomoya did at least
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I think Mirei had no other choice anyway but she seemed okay with it when I said I could cook
> 
> **Thorn:** I’m glad you have something to spend your time doing.
> 
> **Thorn:** Though I feel as if living with those two would be insufferable
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** They’re usually out at their jobs anyway
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** And eating dinner with them feels...nice
> 
> **Thorn:** Is that so?
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I’m grateful to them, really
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Thank you for putting us together for that Laggard mission way back then
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** The Musicians were always so distant…but with those missions I think we all bonded a lot more!
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Though I guess that wasn’t the intention was it...
> 
> **Thorn:** No.
> 
> **Thorn:** But I suppose if it made you happy, you’re welcome.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Thank you Thorn!
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** When you get out of the hospital do you want to come over for dinner?

 Natsume froze, staring at the message. If she was being honest with herself, she wasn’t entirely expecting to leave the hospital to begin with. The thought had never occurred to her, and she either expected herself to find a way to join Ichika away from the eyes of the nurses, or attempt to do so and be forced to stay even longer. The world outside hadn’t crossed her mind, and now that she was reminded of it, the magnitude of everything had become overwhelming.

How does she even begin explaining herself? How could a ghost be expected to live in society?

The doctors had been counting down the days until she was set to leave, so whether she wanted to or not, proceeding was necessary. Kuchinashi… the tragic gardenia only growing among the ashes of her memories, was taking on her own roots, and as small as it was, it had made Thorn proud.

> **Thorn:** Maybe.
> 
> **Thorn:** I don’t suppose the other two will be there, will they?
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Well it is their apartment…
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Don’t worry I’m sure they’ll be fine with having you over!
> 
> **Thorn:** I suppose I’m still not entirely sure how I’ll be perceived
> 
> **Thorn:** In a lot of manners.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Well if they say something rude I won’t make their lunch boxes for a week
> 
> **Thorn:** Do you really want me to visit that much?
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** You did a lot for me Thorn
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** You always took care of me
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Without you and μ I don’t know where I’d be
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** So I want to thank you now that we’re both in the real world...

 A sudden weight pulled at her, and Natsume’s mouth felt dry. The ledge that she stood on back in the Grand Guignol (a thought that had been pleasant, if only, if only) now tasted bitter. Even if the regret lasted only a moment.

> **Thorn:** If you insist, I will let you know when I’m discharged.
> 
> **Thorn:** Tell Koike and Ichinose that I give them my regards.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Of course
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Take care!

 Natsume glanced at the calendar the doctors had put up, and traced the date marked with a circle. Her nails had been too plain, she thinks still, and decides the first thing she’d do when she gets out is to buy a new bottle of red nail polish.


	2. Gardenia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter focuses on Kuchinashi and what she's up to! She was surprisingly difficult to write for me, but i think her roommate situation with IkeP and Mirei is just SO fun to write so they kinda stole the stage. Also my Ikep/Thorn bias is showing really heavily here but I promise this is still a ShogoThorn fic hhfoirjfoeod (I'll write an Ikep/Thorn fic some other time, maybe)

 

 

 

> **Ike-P:** Listen I got a BIG idea!!
> 
> **Mirei:** Why am I here
> 
> **Mirei:** For what possible reason am I here?
> 
> **Ike-P:** It’s a GREAT idea I promise!!
> 
> **Ike-P:** I just need Kuchi too
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Yes?
> 
> **Ike-P:** OK!! PERFECT!!
> 
> **Ike-P:** Now hear me out…
> 
> **Ike-P:** We should be roommates!
> 
> **Mirei:** What.
> 
> **Mirei:** Is THAT seriously why you messaged me?
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** We did just wake up from Mobius after all
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Isn’t this a little sudden?
> 
> **Ike-P:** Well we don’t have a lot of money right!!
> 
> **Mirei:** Speak for yourself
> 
> **Ike-P:** Ok Miss Napolitan Pasta with ketchup
> 
> **Mirei:** Shut up!!!
> 
> **Mirei:** Once I strike it big in my company I can buy back Sea Paraiso you little twink!!
> 
> **Ike-P:** SHUT UP I’M NOT A TWINK
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** You’re both wrong on those counts
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** But I suppose I can see your point
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Why us in particular?
> 
> **Ike-P:** well it’s not like Mirei has a choice anyway
> 
> **Ike-P:** who ELSE is she gonna turn to?
> 
> **Mirei:** Ok
> 
> **Ike-P:** and you Kuchi! You’re nice!
> 
> **Ike-P:** and I know it’ll be hard to readjust alone and stuff
> 
> **Ike-P:** So with us you’d have kindred spirits right!!
> 
> **Mirei:** I think he just wants to be surrounded by girls because he can’t keep his ‘kittens’ in the real world
> 
> **Ike-P:** Hey!!
> 
> **Ike-P:** It’s totally not like that!!
> 
> **Ike-P:** I’d NEVER want you anyway Mirei!
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Wow
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I appreciate the thought though…
> 
> **Mirei:** YOU’RE the one asking me to room with you idiot!
> 
> **Ike-P:** It’s for PRACTICAL reasons!!
> 
> **Ike-P:** I think Stork’s in jail, Sweet-P would cramp my style with all her dreamy cute shit
> 
> **Ike-P:** I don’t even think Shounen Doll can get a job and Shadow Knife’s taste in anime is...bad
> 
> **Ike-P:** Also idek what Thorn’s doing but I don’t wanna live with someone so…
> 
> **Ike-P:** So….uh
> 
> **Ike-P:** Ya know?
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Not really?
> 
> **Mirei:** So what you’re saying is
> 
> **Mirei:** You have no choice but to beg from the Great Mirei Ichinose!
> 
> **Ike-P:** No!!
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Just say yes
> 
> **Ike-P:** Fine whatever! Yes!
> 
> **Mirei:** Ahahaha! Then it’s settled!
> 
> **Mirei:** I’ll just need a servant to carry my things and we’re all set!
> 
> **Ike-P:** What things???

 

* * *

 

There were three rules in the Comic household. (“KoMiKu! Like, it’s our names, you know! Koike! Mirei! Kurumi!”, Tomoya had said.)

 

  * Under no circumstances should there ever be any kind of fire or flame being lit.



 

That had been the first established rule. Surprisingly, it hadn’t been Kuchinashi to suggest the rule, but Mirei herself. (“I hate the smell of smoke, it’s so _unbecoming_ ” she had said, pointedly avoiding Kurumi’s gaze while saying so.) Tomoya’s immediate agreement and insistence to add it was too obvious for it to be anything but for Kurumi’s sake. It had been a little embarrassing, but she appreciated their sensitivity regardless, even though they both had the tact of a concrete jackhammer.

 

  * There should ALWAYS be a meal for The Great Mirei Ichinose whenever she comes back from her endlessly difficult life.



 

That had also been suggested by Mirei, and Tomoya had vehemently objected to it. (“We both work 9 to 5 jobs you know, what makes _you_ special?” “Shut up! My job is _way_ harder than your stupid cloth folding”). Cutting off their pointless argument, Kurumi suggested that whoever was not working a day should be the one in charge of meals, and the rule had changed to decree that.

As Kurumi couldn’t find a job, or even conduct an interview, she had been kept in charge of keeping the apartment clean and making sure everyone was fed. She didn’t mind much, really, and in lieu of helping with the costs, it made her feel useful. Croquettes were her favourite things to make, the ratio of ingredients and the process so familiar to her that she never needed to measure them anymore. Kurumi had made sure to always have some around for their bento and their dinner, and it had become something of a signature meal at the household. Sometimes she would mix in some new ingredients to the batch, maybe some imitation crab here, maybe some green peas there, and when even Mirei had begrudgingly complimented her additions, Kurumi wondered whether her parents would have liked it too.  

 

  * No secrets! Only TRUTH!



 

Koike wrote out ‘truth’ in a messy english when he wrote down this particular rule on their shared whiteboard. (“Listen, the reason we got all lured to Mobius was because we had something we wanted to hide, right? So if we’re always telling the truth, it’ll be OK!”) Putting aside how childish Kurumi believed that thought process was, a part of her found that she agreed. After all, with all their worst secrets bared out, there wasn’t much of a point in continuing to keep them. While she thought Mirei would struggle the most with that rule, ironically, she’d been the most enthusiastic about it. (“Oh, then this means I can tell you your peasanty attire should be incinerated, right? It _is_ the truth!” “That isn’t what I meant!”).

There were still some questions no one dared to ask, like how Toshizo was doing, or where Kurumi was going with those flowers, or why Koike broke that mirror that one time, and so on and so forth. It was a nebulous thing, this alliance of theirs, a carry-over from a single mission back in Mobius and which without they would have barely spoken at all. Kurumi didn’t take that for granted, and all three knew better than to poke into a hornet’s nest. None of them lied, really, but none of them wanted the full truth either. Kurumi was fine with that.

It wasn’t a substitute to Kurumi’s long-gone days with her family, and she didn’t expect it to be. There was no kind mother to teach her _just_ the right time to fry the croquettes, or a sister to suggest clothes for her whenever they walked down a street lined with shops. There were no family game nights, no new year’s mochi, no writing out wishes all together and trying to guess which one was who’s. Mirei was too harsh and aggressive, and even her compliments were always wrapped in some kind of insult, while Tomoya was passionate and cheerful, but tended to get caught up in himself more than once. He had given Kurumi her own dry erase board for when she wanted to say something, but most times she was content in sitting back and listening to the other two. Though it usually eventually devolved into a petty argument, it felt like a matter of course, a simple flavour dressing to every conversation those two could have. Kurumi wondered whether this was what having younger siblings was like (nevermind that both of them were older than her).

“Minezawa was at the shop today.” Koike had started through a mouthful of the curry Kurumi made that night.

“You’re disgusting, can you swallow your food first?” Mirei snapped, still wearing the office blazer and skirt she’d been too lazy to change out of.

“Hmph- Okay. Well, you know… I didn’t expect the guy to still be in high school.”

“Oh my god, are you serious?”

“He told me he was in his second year! HIS SECOND YEAR!”

“Hahahaha! I can’t believe you held a grudge against a 17 year old! Haha you’re _so_ pathetic!”

“Says the woman who kidnapped a _long_ lost flame.” Koike smirked. “That was cruel, no wonder Miss Kashiwaba was _so_ mad at you!”

“Shut up, how was I supposed to know she was over him!?”

“It was pretty obvious, if you knew a woman’s heart-”

“I should know more about that than _you!_ ”

“Maybe one woman’s heart- yours.”

Kurumi quietly ate her meal, watching the other two bicker as they usually did. Minezawa… that was one of the Go Home Club members, wasn’t he? She remembered he was considered incredibly handsome back in Mobius and was now a little grateful she never thought much of him back then.

“Anyway, that guy… he really did want to try and buy clothes, so of course _I_ had to help him.” Koike continued, pointing his spoon towards himself.

“It’s your job.”

“Beyond being my job...it was my DESTINY.”

Mirei rolled her eyes.

“For now I convinced him to get this black cardigan with this super-awesome gold chain, it’s not a _full_ wardrobe change but with guys like him you need baby steps, right? Baby steps!”

“That guy could buy out the entire store, can’t he?” Mirei muttered a bit bitterly. “Who cares?”

“You can’t just have a big wardrobe for the perfect _fashion_! It’s all about the items you pick and choose!”

“I think you say that so you can get away with wearing the same thing every day.”

“Listen- I’ll get more clothes eventually. I _do_ have an employee discount!”

Kurumi did worry about his spending habits a little, but like her older sister, Tomoya’s closet of clothes had always been something he was very particular over. While Kurumi never really had interest in such things, content with just her tank tops, shorts and sweats, listening to him speak so passionately about it had become something of a comfort.

“Anyway, he was _real_ happy with the purchase! Well- it’s hard to tell ‘cause he’s not very loud, but I could tell! He gave me his WIRE id so he could ask whenever I work! Isn’t that great?”

“Congratulations. You have a 17 year old groupie.”

“It’s not like that! The guy’s so pathetic he _needs_ someone like me to help him! I could hear his heart crying out! An angel to help him shine the brightest!”

“Brighter than you?”

“...I don’t care about that anymore.”

“Remember Koike- no secrets, only TRUTH” Mirei smirked, drawing out the english ‘truth’ deliberately.

“It’s true! I mean sure, he probably gets a ton of attention and shit, but…” Koike shook his head. “Nevermind, it’s hard to explain, I don’t wanna air out his dirty laundry anyway.”

“Hey! You were the one who made that rule!”

“Yeah, about _us_!”

Kurumi took the time to actually scribble something on her whiteboard this time and displayed it on the table. While in the beginning, she had to cough or tap the board on the desk to get their attention, both Mirei and Tomoya immediately quieted down now when they see the flash of white out of the corner of their eyes.

_You really changed Ike-P_

“Well, yeah, ‘course I did!” He huffed self-assuredly, putting both hands on his hips, keeping one eye open to watch as Kurumi wrote another message.

_You’d have taken any opportunity to drag down Minezawa before._

“Uh- it’s just not _nice_ anymore, ya know. All the handsome personality training I did with Lucid wasn’t a _complete_ waste.”

“Yet you’re just as much of an annoying upstart as ever.” Mirei quipped. “You’re just as annoying to me now as back then.”

“Maybe if you had a shimmering personality like moi-”

_Mirei, you changed too_

Mirei blinked, closing her mouth to hush whatever barb she had prepared. “Ha! You think sucking up to me will get me on your side too, Yumino?”

_You’re not used to dinners like this, are you?_

“Goddddd, shut up!” Mirei huffed, but didn’t say anything more, instead watching Kurumi intently as the younger woman wrote out another message on the board. For all her arrogance, Mirei always waited patiently for Kurumi to get her word in, and that had been impossible to hide, as much as she tried, under the harsh taunts.   

_I’m not either. It’s nice, isn’t it?_

“Arghhh!! Who even asked you, anyway!”

Tomoya chuckled at Mirei’s increasingly red face, and Kurumi couldn’t help but join in. Her laughs were strained and feeble, barely a choked hiccup rather than a giggle, but for once, she didn’t feel self-conscious of it.

It wasn’t dinners with her family, whether with her real ones that were long-gone, or with her Mobius ones she clinged onto and pretended was enough, but she was as happy. She was happier than she had been in a long time, and that was enough for now.

 

* * *

 

June 13th, circled on her calendar with the black marker Kurumi uses for her whiteboard, had been the date Thorn said she would be discharged. She made sure to make more rice and nikujaga than usual, as well as more croquettes. (“Are you _trying_ to make our former leader bitch die from carbs?” Mirei had said, before sneaking one of the croquettes to snack on herself). Tomoya bought a make-your-own-salad mix from the local convenience store and proudly put the plastic container in the middle of their table, as well as a decadent, but still very obviously convenience-store-bought matcha cake. (“Girls like that kinda stuff, don’t they? Maybe since we’re in the real world-” “Are you _seriously_ going to flirt with her?” “I’m just saying!”).

Instead of a knock, Kurumi was alerted to her former leader’s presence with a WIRE message.

 

> **Thorn:** I’m outside of your building.
> 
> **Thorn:** According to your address, anyway.

Kurumi smiled, and displayed her phone screen to the other two, who both immediately quieted down and straightened out their hair of any loose ends. No matter how far removed from their old jobs they were, the coming reality of Thorn _visiting_ had still put both Mirei and Ike-P a little on edge: partly out of habit, and partly out of the complete enigma of the woman herself. Even Kuchinashi wasn’t exactly sure what to expect, but she quashed her anxiety as the other two sat down to look at the door curiously.

Kurumi grabbed the whiteboard, already decorated with a message across. There was a tiny doodle of Koike in the corner, drawn by the man himself, and a little lion in the other. She displayed the board as soon as she opened the door, a smile lighting up her face.

_Welcome Thorn!_

The person behind the door looked down at the message with wide eyes, their hands (brightly accentuated with red nail polish, Kurumi noticed), hovering near their chin. Thorn was much older than she had been in Mobius, though almost all the Musicians always figured with the way she carried herself, that would be the case regardless. Kurumi, however, didn’t expect her to be... something Sweet-P mentioned once flashed into her mind (“I can feel we’re kind of the same? Call it a girl’s intuition!”)

Koike nudged Kuchinashi away to put an arm around Thorn’s shoulders, easier now that she was closer (though still shorter) than his height.

“Yo Thorn! How’s my goth kitten doing?”

He pulled the older woman into the apartment and to the dining table where Mirei, who looked as irritated and bored as ever, sat.

“Fucking bitch, how dare you get up so late.” she muttered. “You’re always so damn lazy.”

Kurumi gave her roommates a withering look.

“I see you two have not changed much.” Thorn had said, after a long deliberation. “Though it seems you have made a good home for yourselves.”

“Right? Right? It was my idea!” Koike pointed to himself. “The handsome personality that will make girls swoon all over- I wanted to help these poor, lost souls!”

“Shut up! You just couldn’t afford your own apartment!”

“Still, it was noble of you.” Thorn nodded, before shrugging his shoulder off and sitting herself down. “I suppose a dying animal will cling to anything to continue it’s existence.”

“Um. Thanks.”

“You’re as depressing as ever, aren’t you, leader?” Mirei glared at her.

“Perhaps more so now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean-”

“Ah-!” Koike interrupted, waving his hand in the air. “You should try the food, Thorn! Kurumi is an amazing cook! It’s incredible! Her nikujaga is the taste of the heavens!”

“Is it? You’re not saying that because that is your favourite?”

“Wha- hell no! It really is!”

“I will take your word for it then. Kuchinashi, thank you for the meal.”

“I bought the cake there though-” Koike pointed, though no one paid him attention for it.

“Leader, the hell has that hospital been feeding you?” Mirei asked her as she picked up a few croquettes on her plate. “You look awful!”

Kurumi wanted to point out how rude that was, but upon looking at Thorn again, she put her marker back on her lap. Mirei wasn’t...wrong, exactly, Thorn hadn’t looked nearly as kept-together as she did back in Mobius, her long black hair frazzled and coiling around her shoulders without a semblance of her usual half-part style, and sunken eyes with deep bags under them. Even her nails, styled as they were, looked chipped and uneven in length”

Astral Syndrome had, for the most part, rendered it’s victims into a state similar to a perpetual sleepwalk. It was natural that anyone who had been afflicted by it for more than a few months wouldn’t look the best, but the three of them had managed to recover well enough. Even Koike had more-or-less gotten used to his real world appearance and found ways to accentuate his face.

Thorn didn’t reply, shifting her gaze downward, and Kurumi heard Tomoya sigh. While Tomoya did flaunt his usual smile, she knew right now it was nothing but plastered on. His gaze constantly flickered towards Thorn in a look that seemed a mixture of concern and uneasiness, and the unspoken comments he had were as obvious as a black cloud looming over them.

There were no further comments before Thorn hesitantly picked out some food. She only took small bites, nursing the cup of green tea that had been prepared more than actually eating anything. The air over the dining room was unusually tense compared to Mirei and Tomoya’s usual arguments, and Kurumi found herself fidgeting. Since awakening, she hadn’t felt such an overwhelming wish to speak, and resented how much she couldn’t. It had seemed so much easier in Mobius, it wasn’t like Thorn was any _more_ outgoing back then than now.

There was so much she wanted to ask her: what Thorn’s wish was, what she was going to do now, yet she didn’t feel like she deserved to breach those topics. She wanted to ask about her family, what her favourite boardgame was, what she liked to do… As kind as Thorn had been to her, as much as she made Kuchinashi felt like she had some kind of purpose, it had never been more critically _obvious_ that none of them knew anything about their leader. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe they should have messaged her more. Kurumi could feel her breath clogging in her throat, and gripped onto her marker like a lifeline.

“So… Thorn.” Tomoya had started, his voice unusually low. Kurumi whipped up to glare at him, and she wanted to tell him to shut up. Though as usual, her voice had failed her. “Can you explain what the hell you wanted to do back then?”

Thorn flinched, and instinctively, Kurumi put a hand on her shoulder. That had made the former leader tense up more, however, and she drew her hand back like it had been burned. Mirei simply looked away, uncharastically quiet as she let Tomoya talk.

Thorn took a deep sigh, and gently laid the cup of tea on the table. “It is as I said back then. I couldn’t forgive a world where ‘I’ didn’t exist.”

“What the _hell_ is that supposed to mean?” Tomoya stood up, slamming the table. “You’re existing right now, aren’t you?!”

“‘I’ don’t. She doesn’t. Only I do.”

“Can you stop being so fucking cryptic for once?! People almost _died_ because of you! I almost killed-”

“That’s _enough_.” Mirei snarled. “If we’re going to invite a guest, you should treat them with respect. What kind of lower-class boor doesn’t know something that basic?”

“Shut up! You were insulting her as soon as she walked in!”

“Do you want the truth, Koike?” Thorn cut in, letting her gaze fall to somewhere none of them could follow. She had sounded so painfully faraway, and Kurumi wanted to say something- anything, to reassure her, or try to explain, or stop this entire conversation, but she was forced to do nothing but watch.

That had been always the case, wasn’t it? She was always so helpless to do anything but watch everything crumble around her.

“A long time ago, there was a girl named Ichika Saotome. You remember Satake, yes? She picked him to end their lives together.” Thorn bit her lip, and Kurumi could see that Thorn was shaking.

Say something. Say _something._

“Shogo of course… abandoned her. Heh, he couldn’t handle it. He was a pathetic coward. I never wanted to let him forget it.” Thorn looked down at her nails, casually stretching her fingers out. “But if he was a coward, perhaps I was a worse one.”

“Thorn…”

“Thorn was supposed to be her ghost. She was supposed to be a saviour Goddess in her image.”

A sudden realization dawned on Kurumi, and she understood now why Thorn had always been so kind to her. Why Thorn had smiled so gently when she heard Kuchinashi’s song for the first time.

Thorn looked directly at Koike. “I was never meant to exist. Not anymore.”

In the heavy silence that followed, she finished off her tea, then stood up. “Thank you for having me, but I don’t want to trouble you any further. Forget about me if you wish. I apologize for… everything.”

Koike reflexively lunged and grabbed her arm, his wordless pause giving away that he seemed just as surprised as Thorn to do so. She gazed at him with the same intense eyes she had always had in Mobius, and to Kurumi, that had seemed the exact thing to make Ike-P smirk.

“Leader, are you like- stupid or something?”

“...Pardon?”

“I don’t really get all this Ichika thing but to us you were never her, ya know.” He tugged her closer, and embraced her to his chest. “No matter what, you are you, Thorn.”[1]

Thorn’s eyes widened, and she seemed frozen for a second. Kurumi expected her to push him away, but instead she had relaxed and let out a tired sigh. “...You really are an idiot, aren’t you.”

“I don’t know anything about this Ichika, but would she have been our super-cool brooding leader of the Ostinato Musicians? Would she have been the dark angel of JUSTICE for all of us?”

“Don’t you think you’re laying it on a bit thick?” Mirei smirked.

“If Mu was my Maria, then you were our shepherds, guiding these tragic souls to their-”

“Okay, we get it. I’m pretty sure that’s not even how the story goes!”

“Shut _up,_ Mirei!”

Thorn looked between the two, and was silent for a moment. She then mumbled: “...Koike, please let go of me.”

He was startled out of his easy-going smile, and immediately jumped back, realizing just exactly what he was doing. “Um- sorry, leader-”

“Asuka Natsume.”

“Huh?”

“That’s what I’m called here. You three can call me Natsume, if you wish.”

Koike smiled, a truly dazzling one this time, and extended a hand to her. “Natsume! Pleased to meet you, finally!”

Mirei rolled her eyes, but she smiled. She shoved Koike back when she stepped forward, and huffed, crossing her arms across her chest. “It really was _so_ rude of you to be so secretive all this time, you know. The mystery woman image isn’t _nearly_ as appealing as you think it is.”

Kurumi took the moment then to stand beside Koike, and gave a gentle nod. Even if she had the voice, she couldn’t word all that she wanted to say. She hoped that her presence was enough, that everything she wanted to say was expressed regardless.

_You changed our lives, and without the world you’ve given us, none of us would be strong enough to be here now._

“Thank you, all of you.” Natsume had said after another moment of deliberation. “I am… thankful you thought to invite me.”

“And it won’t be the last time either!” Mirei added. “But next time, bring some Dom Perignon champagne or else.”

“Are you serious? That shit is like 10,000 yen! Why the HELL would you spend that much on drinks?!” Koike frowned.

“Maybe because some of us have taste!”

“You don’t need taste for beer!”

“Because it’s for lowlives who only want to get wasted! Learn to savour a true artisan drink!”

Natsume and Kurumi both looked between the two arguing, and Kurumi took the moment to link her arm through Natsume’s to lead her back to her seat. She poured out another cup of green tea for her former leader, and happily went back to eating the food in an air that seemed much more light now. Even Natsume had seemed to calm, the web of thorns that had always surrounded her withering back, just a little.

Kurumi Yumino was happy, happier than she had been in a long time. She was confident that if her family could see her now, they’d be proud of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 By the way, this specific line Ike-P says is supposed to reference Thorn's 6th character episode where she gets mad if you don't pick what Shogo says which is "this is ludicrous, even so, you are you" return


	3. Alstroemeria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ended up being way longer than i intended to and it doesnt even feature thorn OR shogo much hoirfjirf
> 
> I meant this chapter to be loosely detailing what everyone else is doing as a set-up for this verse (and as an excuse to write some post-canon friendships i REALLY wanted to write), so basically every other character shows up here. (except Eiji. Bc he's dead.)
> 
> I feel like its a bit rushed by the end but also ive been trying to get this to flow better for SO long and im tired of looking at it so here just take it.png

Waking up among messy sheets, overturned instant noodle cups, a layer of dust a few centimetres thick, and stuffed animals thrown around haphazardly, Shizuka Nijoin would have just gone back to bed. Waking up to go to her job seemed an impossibility, looking longingly at the clothes that she bought but could never fit in an awful reality. 

Behind her eyelids, the image of the dreary rooms of the Grand Guignol played through her mind. She remembered the heavy pulse of Thorn’s songs on the mindphones, blaring and thudding through her body, and how desperately she wanted to be free of it. It creeped at the edge of her consciousness, and she immediately got up and opened the curtains to shake it off.

As much as she would have hated to wake up in this world a few months ago, now she found herself twirling around her room, admiring the cherry blossoms outside of her window, taking in the sunlight- real tangible, sunlight. She brushed and fluffed up her hair, and fastened a headband: it was one she’d bought online years ago, adorned with a polka-dotted teal bow and candy decorations at it’s base. She could never bring herself to wear it before, but now Shizuka couldn’t help but smile brightly at the mirror.  _ This would go well with that cardigan I have- oh and that shirt-! _  Fishing for her phone so she could play one of her songs to clean the room to, she paused when she realized she had some messages.

> **μ:** Hi Sweet-P! I hope you’re doing well!
> 
> **μ:** I went and added everyone’s wire id in the real world too!
> 
> **μ:**  I hope everyone can get along! ^_^

Shizuka looked around her room, contemplating it for a moment, before she slumped back onto her bed and opened up WIRE. Cleaning can wait.

> **Sweet-P:** Thank you very much, Mu~
> 
> **Sweet-P:** You always know how to make a girl happy!

Looking through the contacts, her first destination was the chat with the icon of a lotus. There didn’t seem to be any messages beyond the last, ominous one that Thorn had shared with Wicked and Lucid. Well, time to change that.

> **Sweet-P:** Hi everyone~! 
> 
> **Sweet-P:** How’s everyone doing~?

No response. Shizuka furrowed her brows.

> **Sweet-P:** No waaaay, am I alone here?
> 
> **Sweet-P:** Or are you just all ignoring me~~?
> 
> **Stork:** Hello Sweet-P! 
> 
> **Sweet-P:** shit
> 
> **Sweet-P:** its you
> 
> **Sweet-P:** how is it that we always end up together :/
> 
> **Stork:** Maybe it’s fate, or destiny!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** you sound like Ike-P
> 
> **Stork:** Is he around? Did you message him?
> 
> **Sweet-P:** no I just messaged the Musician chat first
> 
> **Sweet-P:** but i guess no one else is around huh
> 
> **Stork:** I can see their icons in the group setting but none of them seem like they’re online…
> 
> **Stork:** Not even Lucid...
> 
> **Stork:** I didn’t want to message first because I don’t think any of them would have responded…
> 
> **Sweet-P:** um
> 
> **Stork:** But I’m glad you’re here Sweet-P! 
> 
> **Stork:** If it was anyone, I’m glad it was you!
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** Gross….
> 
> **Sweet-P:** WAIT WERE YOU HERE THIS ENTIRE TIME
> 
> **Stork:** Hi Shounen Doll!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** DID YOU SET YOURSELF OFFLINE
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** I always did… back in Mobius too….
> 
> **Sweet-P:** You’re both so hopeless~
> 
> **Sweet-P:** You didn’t message ANYONE before me?
> 
> **Stork:** Nope!   
>  **Shounen Doll:** No…
> 
> **Sweet-P:** What about that Suzuna girl? 
> 
> **Sweet-P:** You should still have her WIRE id shouldnt you?
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** I can’t just MESSAGE her, are you crazy?
> 
> **Sweet-P:** and why not?
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** I don’t know what to say to her…
> 
> **Stork:** Just say hi!
> 
> **Stork:** How are you!
> 
> **Stork:** Do you want to go eat somewhere!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** thats surprisingly good advice coming from you
> 
> **Stork:** Hahaha! Thanks!
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** I can’t just ask her any of that!!
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** She already asked me how I’M doing!!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** wait
> 
> **Sweet-P:** she messaged you already??
> 
> **Sweet-P:** REPLY YOU DUMBASS ITS MORE RUDE TO JUST IGNORE IT
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** But I don’t know what to say!!
> 
> **Stork:** You already messaged her a lot in Mobius, right?
> 
> **Stork:** You can’t hide it from me, I saw it!   
>  **Stork:** So just keep talking like you always do!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** Exactly~!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** It shouldn’t be any different than how you talk to us, Doll-chan~
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** Ughrhhghrhgh
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** FINE!

Putting the phone aside for now, Shizuka looked up at her room again. There was undoubtedly a LOT of work to be done before she could truly feel relaxed in it (getting too used to letting Mu magically keep her Mobius room clean and artfully arranged at all times), but she figured she had more than enough time right now. The unread emails notification was plastered on the corner of her screen like a reminder, and she resolved to let her parents know she was awake when she knew she could face them.

There was too much to do, too much she  _ wanted _  to do, and she knew that getting what she really wanted would be one excruciatingly slow step after another. She figured her firm had already long fired her, so at least she’d be free from the task of quitting herself, but the future ahead still seemed so nebulous. 

It was easy to say that she’d invent low-fat ramen and open a themed restaurant for it. It was easy to say that she’d create a brand online to cater to people like her and the flower princesses: people who wanted to be dreamy cute no matter what they looked like. She had planned out how she’d go about it, who she’d ask, how she’d promote her future brand’s Inprogram and Gossiper accounts- she’d thought about it for longer than Thorn or anyone could possibly know. With Lucid’s encouragement, Stork’s constant (but comforting) presence, and the promise of helping girls like Mifue, Sweet-P  _ knew _  she wanted to be back in the real world. She had to go back. 

“You’re way stronger than you give yourself credit for, you know!” Stork had said to her, once, sitting beside her in the Musician’s room while she sketched out some outfit designs. “I’m sure you can do anything if you try!”

As much as Shizuka never wanted to deal with the petty problems of her clients and bosses in the real world, she had developed a habit of doting on the girls that loved her music. None of them could ever know what she was  _ really  _ like, of course, but among the casual chats in her princess tea parties, among the shopping trips to Papiko and helping the girls pick the perfect dress and accessories, she learned a lot about them. Ranging from their problems in school, the different class drama and relationship troubles, and even when they realized the nature of Mobius, Sweet-P would make sure that the flower garden was always open to the girls who wished for it with all their hearts- who needed it with all their hearts. 

That habit had translated to the other Musicians, eventually. Even when most of them were obnoxious and rude, turned their noses up at her or simply weren’t interested, she  _ wanted _  to help them. She wanted to help Stork curb his peeping habits, she wanted to help Kuchinashi make friends, she wanted to make interacting with people easier for Shounen Doll. 

In a way, she supposed she always wanted to be the support she craved for herself.

Checking her phone again once her room was cleared up- her bedsheets getting washed, and the dust and garbage disposed of- she opened up WIRE again.

> **Sweet-P:** @Shounen Doll did you message her yet~?
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** Yes…
> 
> **Sweet-P:** So?
> 
> **Sweet-P:** How’s that going?
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** Ughhdhh can we NOT do this in the Musician’s group chat?
> 
> **Stork:** Oh right!
> 
> **Stork:** Any one of them can read this, I forgot!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** But none of them are online at all~?
> 
> **Sweet-P:** It’s weird~ I guess they have notifs turned off or something~?
> 
> **Stork:** Yeah, their online status hasn’t changed at all in the last hour
> 
> **Sweet-P:** have you seriously not gotten off the phone this entire time
> 
> **Stork:** Uh.
> 
> **Stork:** No.
> 
> **Sweet-P:** oh my goodness
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** AHHHHH JUST TALK ABOUT THIS PRIVATELY PLEASE.
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** I KEEP GETTING NOTIFICATIONS AND I KEEP THINKING IT’S FROM HER!!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** .
> 
> **Sweet-P:** you know when Mirei backreads this it’s over for you
> 
> **Stork:** I don’t think she’d bother…
> 
> **Sweet-P:** oh youre SO right
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** YOU TWO ARE SO LOUD!!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** then just mute the chat its not that hard?
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** ...No.
> 
> **Stork:** Ohohoho! Could it be?
> 
> **Stork:** You want to be updated on how the other Musicians are doing??
> 
> **Stork:** Don’t worry Shounen Doll! I understand!
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** AHHHH SHUT UP, YOU’RE BOTH SO MEDDLESOME!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** Awwwww~<3
> 
> **Sweet-P:** Then I’ll definitely leave this chat for now~
> 
> **Sweet-P:** So when someone else backreads this, the first thing they read will be this~
> 
> **Shounen Doll:** Ughhhrhghhghh

Though she didn’t directly involve herself in Shounen Doll’s affairs, especially after the disaster at the cafe, she still ended up watching his progress from afar. Stork was much the same way, and Shizuka couldn’t help but smile a bit that they were still so in-sync outside of Mobius. She tapped his icon with a quick flick of her finger, briefly scrolling through their (quite long) history of messages. It was irrevocable proof of their bond, a scrapbook of moments that foretold the final tumultuous year on Mobius. Stork’s apology after their first laggard hunt with Lucid had seemed so long ago, interspersed with gossip, small talk, questions and hopes for the future. Her smile fell.

> **Sweet-P:** Hey Stork-chan~
> 
> **Sweet-P:** How are you~?
> 
> **Sweet-P:** you still have those pictures right…
> 
> **Stork:** Yeah.
> 
> **Stork:** I haven’t shown them to the police yet, but, I will!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** youre waiting for the others to show up arent you
> 
> **Sweet-P:** to say bye
> 
> **Stork:** Nothing gets by you Sweet-P!
> 
> **Stork:** Yep! It would be sad to just leave, wouldn’t it?
> 
> **Sweet-P:** You give the others too much credit~
> 
> **Stork:** Haha!
> 
> **Stork:** Maybe so!
> 
> **Stork:** But I think deep down, all of us Musicians were friends, weren’t we?
> 
> **Sweet-P:** Still as naive as ever~
> 
> **Stork:** You’ll miss me, right?
> 
> **Sweet-P:** You don’t just ASK that Stork-chan~
> 
> **Stork:** So?
> 
> **Sweet-P:** Yes.
> 
> **Sweet-P:** can we meet up before you go actually.
> 
> **Sweet-P:** There’s this really nice cafe I’ve been dying to take you to~

 

* * *

 

Despite how expressive his mask was, seeing Stork’s face as is was a completely different experience. She noted every small quirk of his with some amusement: the way he bit lips whenever he was thinking about something, the joy and dejection that could be read so easily with the rise and fall of his eyebrows, and his eyes that shone with child-like innocence. 

Even outside of Mobius, nothing felt as if it changed between them. Their gossip of the other musicians, what they thought they’d be up to, their favourite flavour of cakes, flowed between them like a melody. She could almost forget that they were in the real world for a second, until the tell-tale prickle at the back of her neck snapped her back to attention.

Shizuka coughed, and tried to laugh quieter, avoiding the glare of another patron.

Masahiro didn’t say anything, wordlessly offering a macaron to her.

“Shizuka, I know you worry about everyone else all the time, but… you should take care of yourself sometimes too.”

“Going for the first name? Isn’t that a liiiitle too bold right now~?”

The pout on his face was almost exaggeratedly pronounced, and Sweet-P tried to avoid looking at it.

“Shizuuukkaaa, I’m being serious!”

“I do take care of myself, okay! I have these  _ great _  bath bombs I stashed away and-”

“I’m going to the police after this!”

“-Huh?”

“I just. Wanted to tell you. I know that if I put it off too long, I’ll never do it.”

She stopped mid-bite to meet his eyes. The sweets tasted bitter on her tongue and nausea settled at the pit of her stomach. “So? You want to give me some life advice or whatever before you go?”

“Something like that. I don’t know when I’ll see you again so… I want to go with no regrets!”

“Shut up! Stop talking like you’re dying!”

“Y-you can visit me! I  _ was _  a policeman so for someone like me, I think I’d be eligible for a few visits!”

She bit her lip. Even entertaining the thought of eating the plethora of desserts laid out in front of her had become sickening, and she could feel herself getting more on-edge. It was unfair, she  _ knew _  it was unfair to him, but she couldn’t stop herself from saying it. “So what, you’re not going to wait for Lucid?” 

“I-”

“After all they did for us? Shouldn’t you at least wait until they wake up to tell them?”

“Shizuka…”

Sweet-P wanted to cry, the pity reflected in Masahiro’s blue eyes was overwhelming and she wanted to  _ leave. _  It was stupid,  _ she _  was the one who encouraged him to turn over a new leaf, yet here she was, unable to handle the reality. 

“I… left them a message. I think they knew we wouldn’t be talking for a while, back in Mobius.” Masahiro continued.

Shizuka stared down at her lap, trying to blink away the growing dampness in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry…” he reached a hand across the table to meet Shizuka’s and gave her a reassuring squeeze. “I have to. I just, have to!”

Now that she thought about it, this was the first time they ever held hands like this. Stork had always worn gloves in Mobius, and feeling the lines of his palm was strange, though not unwelcome. 

“When I think about the girls like Ayana, I can’t sit by and pretend I did nothing! No matter how much Mu told me it was fine!”

“I know.” She took a deep breath. “I know.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”

“You shouldn’t be. I think I’m just being a little selfish, haha…” 

The smile on Masahiro’s face had seemed bittersweet, all the more bright from seeing it as it was, not hidden behind masks and excuses. She wiped away the sadness that settled in her with fondness instead, proud to see him grow up so much. 

“You’re much stronger than you realize, Masahiro.” 

The flicker of recognition on his face was expected, and he immediately got up to the side of the table to envelope the woman in a hug, other patrons be damned. In spite of her struggling, and repeated ‘hey- people are staring, idiot!’, the giggles she let out were genuine. 

“Shizuuuukkaaaa, thank you! Thank you so much! You’re the best friend a man could ever ask for!”

“Isn’t this a bit of an overreaction?”

“Nope! I love you, mon ami~”

“You’re  _ so _  embarrassing!”

Though they would change, and they would always continue to change, Shizuka was content in that everything important would stay the same between them.

 

* * *

 

It would be another week or so before most of the Musician group chat responded. Lucid was first, apologizing for not messaging earlier due to preparations. They mentioned something about a workplace abroad, and with Stork’s incarceration still fresh on her mind, Sweet-P couldn’t help but be a little bitter about that revelation. Despite that, she ended up messaging them regularly, glad to know their enigmatic but comforting personality still comes through in the real world.

Shadow Knife was second, leaving a flowery and unnecessarily long message on WIRE asking for any of the Go Home Club’s contact information. While Shounen Doll had been reluctant about giving out Suzuna’s information, Lucid had been unusually encouraging about it, to the point where they had suggested trying to ask Suzuna for the other member’s wire ids too. While the thought of getting Mifue’s id was a nice one, Shizuka couldn’t help but find it a bit odd that the Mystery Musician had so much faith in the Go Home Club. Had they ever talked beyond their battles? Perhaps she was reading too much into it. 

Ike-P was next, as upbeat as ever, and Sweet-P remembered why she found him so annoying. Barging in with gratuitous (and misspelled) english, and questions that could have been answered by simply backreading, she could  _ almost _  hear his overpowering voice through his messages. Lucid had been surprisingly patient with him, and easily answered all his questions. Though Shizuka opted to ignore most of their back-and-forths, Ike-P eventually started detailing his experiences in trying to find an apartment and it made her almost,  _ almost _  want to mute the chat.

Thankfully, Kuchinashi was next, who mentioned being asleep for a few days. It had been almost a week since Sweet-P herself woke up, so it seemed odd that the younger girl couldn’t recall anything before now. She didn’t say much, giving her ‘hello’s’ and asking about how everyone was doing before ultimately setting her status as ‘Away’. 

And finally, the day after, it was Mirei, coming into the chat with demands and insults which Sweet-P couldn’t help herself from arguing against. On some level, it was a little reassuring that Mirei was still so spirited in the real world when she had been one of the most adamant about staying in Mobius, but regardless, her high-and-mighty tone was one Shizuka could never get used to. 

“Ah- The Musicians are sooooo annoying sometimes, you know!” she sighed, twirling the pastel plastic spoon that came with her parfait. 

“Mmmm, you seem pretty invested in them though, Ms Nijoin….”

“Suzuna! You can just call me Shizuka, it’s fine! You don’t need to be so suuuuper polite!”

“Um- sorry!”

“It’s still a bit weird to just call you Shizuka though…” Mifue murmured, chewing on the end of her straw. “You’re like, an  _ adult _ , you have a  _ job _ .”

“Not right now…”

“Still!”

In the month since she woke up, she had made it a habit to semi-regularly meet up with Suzuna and Mifue at her favourite sweets cafe. It took a bit of needling from Shounen Doll and a few WIRE conversations through him, but soon enough, the three of them chatted like they were old friends. They reminded her a lot of the girls she used to look after back in Mobius, and it helped to have a relaxing routine in-between her errands.

“So… Thorn and Mizuguchi aren’t awake yet, are they?” Suzuna frowned. “Komori- er, Shounen Doll already told me but… neither of you know anything, do you?”

“Yeah, I didn’t see either of them in the group chat at all.” Shizuka hummed. “But I gueeesss it makes sense. It seems like the people who didn’t wanna come back ended up sleeping a bit longer. It does seem unusually long though...”

Mifue winced. “Um- well, actually…”

“Hm? What is it Mifue?”

“Well, I uh, Naruko messaged me about it, just a bit.” 

“Naruko?” Suzuna cocked her head.

“Didn’t she tell you anything?” 

“N-no…”

“Oh geez, maybe I shouldn’t say it then.”

“You can’t just bring up something and not tell, Sunflower-chan~” Shizuka waggled a finger.

“Ughh, fine! But don’t tell the others!”

“My lips are sealed.” Shizuka mimed throwing away a key, and Suzuna nodded in response.

“Um, Naruko got really worried about Mizuguchi so she did her own research on where she’d be… I think they must have been really close before she Graduated, or, I dunno, maybe she still believes in her.”

“Did she now?” 

“Really? Poor Naruko…”

“She’s… well, Wicked’s in the hospital.” Mifue mumbled. “In a coma. I only know because I noticed Naruko was really off at that last Go Home Club meetup, and I messaged her.”

Suzuna looked down at her drink. “So that’s why…”

“I- she didn’t want me to tell anyone because, I guess she thought everyone else would judge her for it. Or something.” Mifue’s voice became increasingly frantic, and she crossed her arms. “But that’s stupid, isn’t it? It’s only natural to worry for someone, even if they were your enemy, isn’t it?!”

Shizuka nodded, trying to give the younger girl a reassuring smile. “Mhm. Of course it is.”

“Naruko…” 

Shizuka sighed. “To think Wicked had that reason... Tch, no wonder Thorn’s plans at the end didn’t matter to her.” The soft clink of the parfait glass punctuated her irritation. “I wonder if Thorn-chan’s the same then…”

The booth they sat in was quiet for a moment, before Mifue broke it with a soft cough. “If anyone would know, I guess it would be Shogo. I’d feel bad asking him about it though…” 

Suzuna nodded solemnly. “I think Thorn would still be...fine, but…”

“Oh yeah, I never did ask you guys, how did your fight against her go?”

The two Go Home Club girls fidgeted uncomfortably, both avoiding Shizuka’s questioning eyes. Mifue chewed on her chocolate cornet, trying to avoid actually talking, and Suzuna nibbled the end of her straw.

“Was it that bad…?”

Mifue’s voice was sharp and accusatory when she spoke: “You guys really don’t know anything about her, do you?” 

“Mifue! That’s a bit-” Suzuna mumbled, and immediately flinched when Mifue cut her off.

“-Rude? Yeah! It is!” Her foot tapped in irritation, and if Shizuka looked, she could notice the girl digging her nails into her skin. “She wanted to destroy the  _ world _ , and for what? Because of revenge? Did any of you even  _ try _  to talk her out of it or what?” 

“How the hell were we supposed to know, anyway?”

“Have you ever thought that  _ maybe _  you Musicians would have been better off if you guys just, I don’t know,  _ talked _  to each other?”

Shizuka’s eyes darkened, the quiet clink of the glass spoon sounding excruciatingly loud in the silence that followed. Suzuna seemed to shrink in on herself, and turned away, but right now, Shizuka’s stare was focused only on Mifue.

“That’s easy for you to say, isn’t it? It wasn’t any of our business what the others wished for in Mobius, Thorn told us that.” 

“You could’ve  _ tried _ -”

“I  _ did! _ ” The slam on the table was a little too loud, and Shizuka immediately flinched, reorienting herself. This was the real world, she couldn’t do this- not with this body, not here-

“I-I did… You think I didn’t? I wanted to help the other Musicians too, you know.” Her voice got quieter, and she fidgeted with the sleeves of her sweat shirt, rolling the rim in-between her fingers. The needle-like scrutiny of the other cafe patrons felt like pins pricking every inch of her skin, and she wanted it to stop. 

Her voice came out as a whisper as she continued talking: “The music-  _ our _  music, it makes it really hard, you know. You end up thinking you’re the only one that’s hurt. You end up thinking you’re the star, that no one else matters, that it’s only you and Mu and that she only exists to make you happy. You get so wrapped up in your own feelings that you stop caring about everyone else.”

Suzuna and Mifue looked at her sympathetically, and somehow that had felt worse than Mifue’s glare from earlier. She was supposed to be the strong one, the one everyone could rely on. Stork’s blue eyes and gentle words from all those weeks ago played through her mind, and she bit her lip. 

“After you guys hit me with the Catharsis Effect, I thought that too… “ Shizuka continued. “Stork and I became best friends once we sorted out our differences, you know. I thought, ‘maybe it could work for the rest of us too!’ Lucid got a few of them to hang out once in a while, but before that… Ha, we were all so scared of anyone finding out our secrets that we never let anyone close.”

“And we just exposed those secrets anyway…” said Suzuna, her hands on her lap. 

“All’s fair in love and war, I suppose.” Shizuka quipped dryly.

“It isn’t fair! We shouldn’t have had to! You and Shounen Doll, and Ike-P and Kuchinashi and all of you!” 

“You’re really too kindhearted Suzuna, you shouldn’t worry so much about adults like us.”

Mifue was silent, the anger from earlier ebbing away into a pitying sadness. It was a little uncomfortable, if Shizuka was being honest, but right now she was too tired to care. When she thought about it, the Musicians really were a pitiful group, a huddle of NEETS who couldn’t bare to get out of their sanctuary. Maybe Mifue was right, and all the mess and the near-apocalypse could have been prevented if they weren’t all so solitary and harsh to each other, back then. 

“Mgrrrrrr, okay! I’ve made up my mind!” Mifue slammed the table, prompting all the cafe patrons to look their way over again. At least she had the decency to look apologetic, sticking her tongue out and waving a quiet ‘sorry sorry!’ before continuing her thought.

“Why don’t you just invite them all over to Sea Paraiso with us next time!”

“Who, the Musicians?”

“Well, Suzuna would probably have to ask Shounen Doll but yeah! All of them!”

“Well Lucid-chan can’t come because they’re in another country-" she counted down with her fingers. "Stork-chan’s in jail- and Wicked and Thorn obviously can’t-”

“Grrr! Just try! You have all their WIRE ids, don’t you?”

“You really do expect too much from them… But sure~ Why not, it could be fun! Even if it’s just me and Doll-chan who shows up!”

“I’ve always wanted to invite Komori but I would have felt bad if it was just him… Please, Ms. Nijoin!”

“I told you, you can just call me Shizuka, geez.” She smiled. “But fine~”

Like it or not, they were all  _ alive _ . If the Go Home Club taught her anything, it was that. Any missed opportunities of the past could be made up for by grasping the new moments of now, and Sweet-P intended to make sure the other Musicians knew that too.

 

* * *

 

Though Sweet-P didn’t tend to go to Sea Paraiso much back in Mobius, she knew the real one was underwhelming in comparison to what Mu created. It’s to be expected, the hot spring resort was much smaller, with nowhere near as many sprawling stands, and the aquarium was a beautiful but simple path which circled through once with no unnecessary pathways. She had come with a pink bow headband, and a small strap bag with a little acrylic keychain of her mascot hanging off of it. She wished she could wear something better than a graphic t-shirt, but her options, as of now, were still limited. 

She opened up her WIRE account and looked at it irritably. Fiddling with it seemed better than just standing outside of the gate right now, so she did.

> **Sweet-P:** Ike-P!!!!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** where the FUCK are you??
> 
> **Sweet-P:** if you stand me up im gonna find your apartment and kill you myself
> 
> **Ike-P:** Im coming im coming!
> 
> **Ike-P:** Kuchi just wanted a drink!!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** If you show up late bc of some starbucks I SWEAR
> 
> **Ike-P:** LISTEN I ONLY LIKED CANNED COFFEE SO
> 
> **Ike-P:** hold on youre the one in the bow right?
> 
> **Ike-P:** I THINK I SEE YOU

As soon as she pulled her eyes away from the phone, she saw a man running in quite possibly the gaudiest outfit she’d ever seen. The grimace on her face must have been obvious, because the man pouted when he saw her.

“Is this really the reaction I’m gonna get?” Koike huffed, putting his hands on his waist. He wore so many bracelets that they audibly clanged when he moved them. 

“Your fashion taste is still the same...huh.”

“I can say the same for you!”

Another woman, dressed in a simple windbreaker and shorts, had stopped by him, giving a quick nod in acknowledgement.

“Uh- this is Kurumi Yumino, er, Kuchinashi. It took a LOT to convince her to come, so be nice, okay!”

Kuchinashi glared at the man, and he immediately hooked an arm through hers. 

“Too bad that old hag Mirei couldn’t come by, but it’s fine! Soooo, where are the others?”

“I’m still waiting for them. I called you guys to meet me earlier so we wouldn’t hold them up.”

“Wow, okay.”

“I mean, you did show up late.”

A sound that could have passed as a snort came from Kuchinashi, and she covered her mouth.

“Oh come on! It was  _ both _  of us Kurumi!” Ike-P whined. 

“How is the apartment life going for you guys anyway?”

“Mm… good, I guess. Mirei’s a bitch but-”

“And water is wet.”

“She’s kinda okay if you get used to her.” 

Kurumi smiled, and gave what seemed to be a nod in agreement.

“Yeah, she does like your food a lot even though she complains about the carbs, haha” 

Shizuka knew from the group chat that those three lived together, but she couldn’t have imagined how used to each other they’ve become. The time back in Mobius, when she saw those three off on their laggard hunting mission and thinking that she hoped Kuchinashi would be all right between them, seemed so impossibly long ago. Seeing Ike-P and Kuchinashi talk with each other like they’ve grown up together their whole lives, she couldn’t help but feel a little envious. 

Her mind drifted to Stork and Lucid again, and she sighed.

 

* * *

 

Once the rest of the Go Home Club had finally met up with them, the air had immediately felt lighter. Despite clashing swords, arrows, and all other forms of weapons between them many times, being around them had felt right somehow. 

Expectedly, Shounen Doll had come with Suzuna. Unexpectedly, Shadow Knife, now known as Daiki Yamada, had come with Kotaro.

“I have been busy with the utmost sacred of Quests. I could not be disturbed by the cacophony of that pit!”

“So you muted the Musician chat.” She said.

Kotaro, who she realized with some amusement was much  _ much _  shorter than he had been in Mobius, peeked out from behind Daiki’s jacket. “He’d been trying to get his mom to adopt me! It was freakin’ cool, actually, he BUST in my uncle’s house, did that whole Shadow Knife monologue and-”

“Isn’t that embarrassing?” Koike crossed his arms. “That’s how you get the cops called on ya, you know”

“Still your wretched tongue!”

“It was great! Mrs. Yamada is suuuper nice! We don’t have the whole paperwork thing sorted out yet but my uncle wanted me out anyway!”

Daiki nodded, cackling in a way that would have been unsettling if Sweet-P wasn’t so used to it. He lifted a hand to his forehead, his other arm still clung onto by the rowdy 14-year old. “Soon we shall be bonded by the covenant of Brotherhood! Kotaro Tomoe! And! Daiki Yamada!!”

“Hell fucking yeah!”

Koike gave a fond sigh and cocked his head. “I guess if you’re happy, it’s fine. You weren’t really in the best mind when we had that mission…”

Despite not particularly knowing Shadow Knife well, nor knowing how to approach him, his state after fighting the Go Home Club was one she could never forget. Thorn’s cold dismissal of Shadow Knife’s request, and her subsequent order to kill the rogues was perhaps the final nail in Sweet-P’s desire to stay in Mobius. 

“Just don’t stay up too late watching anime, okay~? Especially  _ you, _  Kotaro.” Shizuka shook her head.

“What are you, my mom?”

“The endless opportunity of the night is not one I will ever forsake!”

Well. As long as they were happy.

 

* * *

 

Despite resolving to get to know the Go Home Club members a little better, habit had forced her to hover around the Musicians and Mifue and Suzuna instead. She was content in simply listening to the others talk for now, trailing among the big group with a nod and smile.

Izuru hung around Koike like a lost puppy, asking him questions about his job and his roommate life, and soon enough, they had long gone their own way. Koike had taken every question with the charm and grace of an obligate narcissist, and Shizuka noted with some amusement that Kurumi rolled her eyes whenever he mentioned something about ‘cooking his own meals’ or ‘the technique of cleaning the toilet’. Izuru was entranced by every word, and she couldn’t tell whether Izuru was simply humouring him, genuinely charmed by him, or just stupid, but either way, she hoped the boy wouldn’t develop the same habits- fashion or otherwise.

Who was she kidding, Minezawa was doomed.

Shadow Knife, Kotaro, Suzuna and Shounen Doll had split into their own group, picking and choosing the rides that were not too terrifying for Suzuna (no one wanted to buy hearing aids after this outing), and allowed someone of Kotaro’s size on. Luckily, the Venn Diagram of those conditions had been a circle, and the other two were helplessly pulled along to the younger teen’s picks.

The president of the Go Home Club had hung around with Kashiwaba, Hibiki and Satake, with the former three dragging the poor 30-year old on the high-thrill roller coasters. Naruko and Mifue had gone off to the arcade, and Shizuka, remembering the last conversation involving the spectacled girl, decided to leave them alone.

That had left her with Kurumi quietly eating cotton candy on the bench beside her, and Amamoto staring at her from afar. (Shizuka assumed that Amamoto must have thought she was being inconspicuous, but her stare had been too intense for her  _ not _  to notice. Or perhaps Shizuka had become sensitive to such things).

“You know, you can just sit beside us.” Shizuka eventually said, after tiring of the other girl’s childishness.

Kurumi looked up to where Shizuka was staring, and smirked.

“N-no! I’m f-fine here…” Ayana stuttered, fiddling with the strap of her bag.

Shizuka gave her a hard stare, and frowned. “Fine! Whatever!”

The buzzing of her phone had given her pause, and she checked it.

> **Kuchinashi:** You really should just call her over.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I’d do it myself but. You know.

Shizuka watched Kurumi’s expression for anything more than that, and the girl just shrugged. 

“Ayana-chan, if you have something to say, just say it to my face~”

Ayana flinched, and looked over at her guiltily. “I-I…”

“Is this about your androphobia-”

“-No!” she took a deep breath, and clenched her fists, her voice much quieter now. “N-No.”

“Then…?”

The woman chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes alternately darting from Shizuka and to a forlorn tree. Once. Twice. Upon the third time, she took another deep breath, and took a few steps forward.

Even though Shizuka expected this, seeing Ayana act like a frightened fawn around her had still disheartened her. The irritation that had gnawed at the pit of her stomach was one she’d long since gotten used to, but this time she didn’t have the food to curb it. The stalls were right there- but leaving now would be rude. 

After an excruciatingly long moment, that most definitely felt far longer than it should have, Ayana stood in front of her. Shizuka didn’t know what to really do, so she settled for fiddling with the acrylic keychain on her bag.

“You- Um.” Ayana started, her eyes glancing everywhere before settling on the charm. She clapped her hands, a lightbulb seeming to go off.  “I just… um. That’s a really cute mascot!”

“...Huh?”

“I-I I always thought it was cute!” She meekly pointed a finger at the keychain, the one of a strange pastel rabbit creature with one eye. “Back in Mobius! I mean!”

“...Really?”

“R-really.” 

Ayana continued to stand awkwardly in front of the bench, and while a part of Shizuka wanted to tell her to just sit down already, she was so blind-sided by her outburst that it hadn’t even occurred to her. She didn’t even notice Kurumi pull out a dry erase board (where did she even get that?) and display it towards the other woman.

_ If its easier for you, my WIRE id is GardeniaofRaMu. Hers is SaburoPrincess. _

“Oh- Oh… Of course.” Ayana bowed her head politely and slinked off to sit on a separate bench. Kurumi shook her head, as if to say ‘what can you do’, and Shizuka sighed. Well. It was a start.

Sooner than she expected, she got a WIRE notification.

> **Ayana:**  Um. Hello
> 
> **Ayana:** I’m really sorry that I have to talk this way.
> 
> **Ayana:** It’s just, hard for me to say what I really want to.
> 
> **Sweet-P:** Are you gonna call me a pervert again~?
> 
> **Ayana:** No!

Shizuka looked over to where Ayana was sitting, and noticed her biting her thumb. The distress on her had seemed genuine.

> **Ayana:** I just. Want to apologize.
> 
> **Ayana:** Did you know, I think your music is what pulled me into Mobius.
> 
> **Ayana:** It was so fluffy and nice… it reminded me of the songs I used to sing with Himari
> 
> **Ayana:** I remembered listening to it and thinking- ‘Ah, I wish I was in a sweet, fluffy world like that’
> 
> **Ayana:** ‘I wish I could live in a dreamy cute wonderland like that’
> 
> **Ayana:** And then I ended up in Mobius, haha 
> 
> **Ayana:** The President said to me that songs are the prayers of your heart, right?
> 
> **Ayana:** So to have songs like that… You must have felt the same way, right?
> 
> **Sweet-P:** why do you care all of a sudden
> 
> **Sweet-P:** You don’t have to push yourself to talk to me, Ayana-chan~
> 
> **Ayana:** I want to!!
> 
> **Ayana:** I can’t say it to you because every time I remember what I said about you...
> 
> **Ayana:** Even though I loved your songs…
> 
> **Ayana:** I can’t do it!
> 
> **Sweet-P:** I can understand that but…
> 
> **Sweet-P:** Nothing will change if you don’t talk to me face to face~
> 
> **Sweet-P:** Right~?

The tell-tale ring of the WIRE notification had stopped, and Shizuka looked off to the side. Ayana had taken much less time to come forward this time, and bowed deeply.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry, Sweet-P!”

“You really think my mascot is cute?”

“Y-yeah! If there was a plush, I’d totally buy it!”

“Really, huh- You know, I was thinking about trying to design one of them!”

“I’d be your first customer! Oh, and I’d get my bandmates to do it too! And my dad! And my mom!”

Kurumi smiled, and moved over on the bench, patting it to indicate the space. After looking at it carefully, Ayana sat down. 

“Thank you so much for having me, Kuchinashi! Sweet-P!”

“It’s fine! It’s fine! Pleased to meet you too, Ayana!”

 

* * *

 

 

The day had gone by far more pleasantly afterwards. Ayana had led them around to the food stalls and booths she liked the most from her last outing, happy that she could spend the time away from ‘those rowdy boys and their completely violent way they beat up the poor moles’

“You’re supposed to bop them gently! It’s a game of coordination, not strength!”

Mifue and Naruko joined them once they were both out of the arcade, Mifue muttering something about how she could’ve ‘totally gotten 80 points on that bird game if she had a few more tries’ and Naruko taking candid pictures of her. 

“You should’ve seen her on that game, she was so focused! It was so cool!” Naruko flipped open her phone. “Actually, Shizuka, look! Look look!”

Izuru and Koike had joined them after, Izuru holding a stuffed jellyfish in his hands. 

“Izuru, you’re fine but if Ike-P gets too close, I’m kicking him, okay?” Ayana muttered, casting a death glare towards the blonde.

“Hey- come on, don’t be like that, lady-”

“Why don’t we just make him carry our stuff~” Shizuka smirked, and looked over at the man. “That was part of your handsome personality training, wasn’t it?”

Kurumi snorted.

“Who’s side are you on, anyway?!”

The seven of them had returned to the benches with several stuffed animals and far more cotton candy, yakisoba, funnel cake and churros than anyone should really have. Ayana messaged the other Go Home Club members to meet them while Shizuka fixed up her bow in her phone’s front-view camera.

“Ugh, please.... Never again… never again, Kotone.” Shogo mumbled when he walked up, clutching onto the bench back behind Ayana as support. While Ayana clenched her shoulders, she didn’t move away from him.

“Geez, how old are you Shogo? And you can’t handle a ride like that?” Kensuke whined, skipping forward. 

“Oh come on, don’t be so harsh on him.” Kotono giggled. “Next time, we’ll just go on the teacups, okay?”

“Please give me a break…”

The president laughed lightly behind them all. “Shogo, I have some mint gum if you’re feeling nauseous. Sit down a bit, okay?”

“Thanks, I appreciate it.”

Once Shogo actually noticed the others, he looked a bit sheepish, rubbing the back of his head. “S-so, how have you guys been? I’m sorry we just kinda ended up leaving you, Ayana…”

“It’s fine, I don’t like rollercoasters anyway.”

“You sure did get a lot of… stuff…”

“Didn’t we~?” Shizuka chirped, flashing a peace sign. “It’s all thanks to Ayana-chan~ She’s a master at these types of games!”

“She’s the greatest!” Mifue nodded, a plate of yakisoba in front of her. “But- I think the food really is the greatest part of Sea Paraiso, right?”

Kurumi nodded, taking another bite of her churro. She offered up another one to Shogo who shook his head with a groan.

“Maybe I should join you guys next time” Kotono stood by them, leaning against the handle. “I wanted to get Takkun a souvenir one of these days, haha…” 

“I can totally win you a plush too, Kotono-” Kensuke started, only to be stopped by the president’s snickering. “Oh come on! I can!”

“Right, right. Why don’t you win one for me first?”

Kensuke pouted, crossing his arms. “F-fine.” The flush of his cheeks was a little too obvious, and Shizuka noted that little tidbit of information down.

“Returning from our turbulent trials, it is us! Shadow Knife and his newfound sidekicks!” Yamada appeared, a hand to his forehead. 

“‘the Hell? But I should be more like your partner right?” Kotaro wasn’t very far behind him.

“You are but a sapling, once you’ve been tempered by the flames of this dark world, then you should be fit to stand by my side as an equal.”

“Geez, can you quit it with that! Don’t you ever get tired?” Komori huffed, running to catch up with them both. Suzuna had also been jogging, and they both slumped against an empty bench when they arrived within the group. 

“I think it’s very… unique! You’re very eloquent, Yamada!”

“Whoa, that’s a lot of stuff!” Kotaro immediately bounded up to them, and Ayana scoffed. 

“Yeah, because I’m  _ actually _  good at the games!”

“Hey! You’re supposed to whack the moles right? That’s what I did!”

“Gently! Bop them gently!”

“As usual, Kotaro doesn’t know anything, huuuuh?” Naruko snickered, taking the moment to capture a not-so-candid picture of him. 

“Leave me alone!”

“You could just buy them at a shop…” Izuru said. 

“That isn’t the  _ same _ , Izuru! Shouldn’t you know that?”

“But you get the stuffed toy in the end regardless, don’t you?” he said, taking out the jellyfish to observe it. “Or is there something special about the ones you win at stalls?”

“There isn’t” The president cut in. “But it’s kind of like, a bragging rights reward, isn’t it?”

“Bragging rights?”

“Yeah, like, it’s a memory of your experience here!”

“But Koike bought me this for the same thing… Does it not also suffice?”

“Hey! Hey hey! It totally does!” Tomoya, pointed at him, then crossed his arms. “After all, it’s a memory of spending the day with the greatest  _ me _ , riiight?”

“Mhm.”

“As long as you like it, it’s OK!” He smirked, patting Izuru’s head.

Shizuka looked at Minezawa again, noting the boy’s somewhat longing stare towards Koike, as well as how he clutched the jellyfish closer to him. Kurumi seemed to notice the exact same thing but took out her phone to text something instead. 

> **Kuchinashi:** I warned Tomoya
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I did tell him this
> 
> **Sweet-P:** What, about Izuru-chan~?
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Yes. 
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I noticed Minezawa was like this back in Mobius too
> 
> **Ayana:** If that guy hurts him I WILL kill him
> 
> **Ayana:** Izuru’s kind of pathetic but he’s nice for a guy so!
> 
> **Ayana:** I’ll NEVER forgive him!!
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** To be honest I don’t think Tomoya even notices…
> 
> **Sweet-P:** He’s kind of an idiot huh~

The laughter they shared was met with some questioning looks from the others. 

The light chatter that delved from there was interrupted by the blaring ring of a cellphone, and Shogo flinched. His face had immediately gotten more unsettled, and he put up a hand. 

“Sorry, I really have to take this.”

While he had gone outside of the circle of benches to take the call, most likely as to not be overhead, Shizuka’s curiosity had prompted her to keep watch of him anyway. A part of her had always been curious of the man due to Thorn’s… seemingly incredibly conflicted feelings about him, and from what Mifue and Suzuna had said in their outings, the feeling must have been mutual. Though she didn’t really have a chance to speak to Shogo this time, nor did she feel  _ right _  in asking him about it, his sudden change in demeanour had been too obvious for her not to notice, even when the others continued to pick at each other’s food.

“Yes, it’s Shogo Satake. Thanks for calling. Signs are stable? That’s...g-good to hear.”

Shogo was quiet as he listened intently to the person on the other line, his face contorting between a mixture of hope and uneasiness. Shogo was as tense as a man on death row, but he smiled nonetheless.

“C-can he take...visitors now?”

An uncomfortably long silence.

“Thank you. I’ll be right there.”

Returning among the benches and the mishmash of people, he bowed. “Sorry, something just came up, I gotta go.”

“Is it about-” The president started, only to be cut off by Shogo’s stare.

“Yes.”

“Is it really a good idea for you to do this, Shogo?” Kotono asked, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“I said I’ll be fine. You guys don’t have to worry about me so much-” he tried to give a smile to the rest of the group. “You still have the rest of the afternoon, so have fun, okay?”

Clutching onto his phone like a lifeline, Shogo quickly exited the park without looking back. While the rest of the Musicians had seemed just as confused as Shizuka herself was, the members of the Go Home Club watched him go with varying levels of anxiety plainly written on their faces. 

“So… what was that about?” Koike broke the vaguely uncomfortable silence that followed, and never in her life had Shizuka been more grateful for the man’s complete lack of tact. 

“It’s… nothing.” Kotono said, a hand on her hips. Her stare, though warm, had an undercurrent of warning to it, and no one in the group had been stupid enough to test her. “Hey, let’s go to that restaurant! Mirei said it was her favourite place, wasn’t it?”

“I thought you hated her.” Mifue said.

“Well, she might be braindead in some aspects, but I feel like she’d have good taste in food, don’t you think?”

“Geez, you’re harsh.” 

The murmurs of agreements had segued into excitement about what to order, and the sudden drop had all but been forgotten. Hanging around them like this, she couldn’t help but think that this had been the true strength of the Go Home Club, a willingness to stay positive and keep the ball rolling even when unexpected variables where brought in. Or perhaps it was just simple-mindedness. Either way, it was refreshing, and it wasn’t until much later that Shizuka would know that Thorn would wake up the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter is a Mirei chapter and that should be the end of all the set-up chapters before the actual plot hits. Hopefully I don't take a month to update this time ;;


	4. Narcissus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK yall have no idea how excited i am about getting to add that relationship tag now. Mirei was someone I had a really fun time writing bc I think she- like Thorn, would probably have one of the hardest times fitting in, in the real world. Also she's just so ABRASIVE and hypocritical

There were two absolute truths in this world. One, was that poor people had no concept of taste, and seeing bowl upon bowl of weak miso soup and subpar rice forced upon the old sacks at the nursing home, Mirei couldn’t help but wonder how these people didn’t get even  _ more _ sick. Two was that the world wasn’t fair, and it will never  _ be _ fair. Mirei Ichinose knew it since she was a child, when her parents would turn their noses up to volunteers from a charity drive, and when they would raise the prices of Sea Paraiso’s tickets and she’d see less and less families visit every year. 

She didn’t care, of course. Her parents had always told her that Sea Paraiso was a park just for their little Princess, and she’d been a bratty child. She’d always hated sharing her things. The Sea Paraiso in Mobius had been open to all the other lowlives and losers but she and Mu both knew that it had been  _ her  _ domain, and what was a Queen without a kingdom of subjects beneath her heel?

Life wasn’t fair, and to Mirei, it had been up to yourself to tip the scales in your favour by any means possible. Her parents had only followed that creed when they abandoned her after the Ichinose group’s downfall, and she couldn’t resent them for it (a lie, but if she told herself that enough times, it doesn’t matter, right?). Mobius was her justice, it was her comeuppance, a world that was fair for her was one that she had to fight for at all costs, and she didn’t care if people thought ill of her for it. 

Toshizo’s strategy was one she’d been familiar with: weak beings cling onto things far greater than them for even a scrap of their privilege. Like a remora latching themselves onto a Great White, his servitude had gained him the protection and care of the Great Mirei Ichinose. It was his own method of survival, she concluded, holding his long-weathered hands by his bedside. That must’ve been it. That must be it. 

“Lady Mirei…can you, ask for some tea?” 

Each one of his coughs provoked a clench within her chest, and she could barely meet his feeble face. He’d been much better looking in Mobius.

“Yeah sure, but their leaves are  _ awful _ . I think even you deserve way better, don’t you think?”

“Ohoho, my tastes aren’t as distinguished-” Another cough, and Mirei resisted the urge to scowl. “-as yours, Milady.”

“Fine, but I’ll make them use  _ my _ tea leaves when I visit next time, okay?”

“I do look forward to it.”

Contrary to what Ike-P and Kuchinashi thought, her shift ended at 3 rather than 5, and it had given her ample time to visit Toshizo without either of them being the wiser. Yes, this was also a part of her battles, she needed him by her side. Toshizo was her servant, after all, and every Queen needs a servant.

(Though nowadays it seems that she often ends up waiting on him instead.)

This time, she had to leave far earlier than usual, the nurses assuring her that ‘he just needed some check ups done’, and ‘you can visit tomorrow’. It was too early to go back without some scrutiny (and though Kuchinashi was smart enough to not ask her anything, even the  _ thought _ of her looking at the Great Mirei with any kind of pity was enough to make bile rise in her throat), so she ended up strolling into a cheap-looking bar.

What a haggard place, far below her station, but she supposed with her current situation, she had to make do. 

With a sneer she tried to suppress as much as possible, she sat on a lone booth away from the other patrons. There weren’t many in the bar to begin with, only a few scattered people sitting here and there, and an average-looking man that was casually chatting with the bartender. Upon noticing her, the bartender made her way over, and smiled brightly.

“What would you like?”

Something about the voice had immediately grated on Mirei, and she ended up staring at the bartender with a scrutinizing glare. 

“Um-” The woman obviously looked a little annoyed, but she had kept her smile on, and repeated. “I said, what would you like?”

“Tch, beer, I guess.”

The sudden, cold pause from the bartender lasted only a second before she spouted out more obviously rehearsed lines. “We have many kinds- but I guess most people get the Asahi dry?”

Mirei had no idea what the hell that was. Was it cheap? It sounded cheap. “Yeah sure, whatever.”

“Then please wait a moment!”  

The bartender left to pour out the bottle, and Mirei looked over in her direction. Mirei met the glance of the man that the bartender had been talking to earlier, who immediately whipped his head away with the glass pressed against his lips. Why did he seem so familiar? Why did she seem so familiar?

It wasn’t until the glass was placed in front of her that Mirei banged her fist against the table in recognition. “Ah! You’re that uppity woman!”

“-Huh?”

“Kotono Kashiwaba! You bitch!”

Kotono’s eyes immediately darkened, and she crossed her arms. Her entire countenance had shifted, her voice ice-cold. “I thought I recognized that screeching voice of yours, but I just thought that I was having a nightmare. Mirei, it’s  _ so _ great to see you.”

The familiar man coughed, and watched Kotono a little warily.

“Working as a bartender now, huh? It suits you!” Mirei smirked. “You always deserved to be serving lowlives anyway!”

“Like that doesn’t include you too, stupid! Isn’t it a little too early for office workers to be out right now, anyway? Or are you so useless that they don’t even want you for your full hours?” She snickered. “I know  _ I _ wouldn’t.”

“ _ Some _ of us can afford to not work 24/7, you know!”

“You lazy fucking-”

“Cut that out, you two!” The man from earlier cut in, rubbing his temple with one hand. “Kotono, I’m sorry, but it’s probably best to not argue here, isn’t it? You have other customers.”

“Ah- right. Sorry Shogo.”

Now she remembered why the man had seemed so familiar. 

“Pfft, that’s what you get for talking down to a customer-”

“You know she could just kick you out too.” Shogo glared at her. “Maybe even put you on a permanent ban.” 

Mirei’s fingers tightened around the glass of beer, and she looked away. As fun as arguing with her Worst Enemy would be, she had to admit that that would be an embarrassing result. “Tch. Fine!”

With a tired sigh, Shogo went back to nursing his own glass of beer, slumping onto the table. “Kotono, can I have another one?”

She nodded, taking any excuse to move away from Mirei. Kotono went back to chatting with him like nothing had changed, pointedly refusing to look at the other woman.

The urge to call for Kotono lodged at the foot of her instincts, restless and irritating in how much she wanted to. Shoving the stupid thoughts and potential come-backs aside, she decided to listen in on them instead, intending to file away any future information to use against the woman later. (It was a nice distraction, as was the beer that dulled her thoughts of Toshizo, just a bit).

 From the bits of conversation she could pick up from them, it had all been mostly banal and useless. Something about a guy named “Takkun” catching a praying mantis the other day, or about some bento recipes, or about the goings on of people she recognized the names of but couldn’t care less about. 

“Suzuna and that Musician are going to the same school next year.” [1]Useless.

“Naruko’s novel hit 10k hits the other day.” Useless.

“Izuru sent me a picture of his new cardigan the other day.” Was that the one Ike-P had recommended? Probably. Useless.

“And what about you Shogo, have they gotten back to you about him?”

“Ah- no. I know he’s in the Miyabi General Hospital since he’s the longest case of Astral Syndrome ever recorded, but-”

Useless. Do these people ever talk about anything more important? She gulped the rest of her beer down in irritation, and immediately got into a coughing fit. 

“Aw, do you have a hard time with drinks for  _ commoners _ like us?” Kotono said, a hand to her face to just-barely hide the smug smirk she wore. “Poor you!”

“Good grief…” Shogo added, looking at Mirei pityingly.

She hated that bitch  _ so _ much.

She ordered another drink.

 

* * *

 

 

Since the month of her awakening, her visits to the nursing home had gotten shorter, as did her conversations with Toshizo. It was always the same: Toshizo would be caught in a wrack of violent coughs, she’d get him tea from the nursing home staff, and he’d apologize for not being able to “entertain her as a servant should”. 

He’d always apologize now. For his coughs, for his sleepiness, for his inability to walk around the nursing home’s gardens with her. He’d always listen to her ramblings about her roommates with a smile and a hum, but that had also become difficult for him, and Mirei wasn’t stupid enough to not notice. Toshizo’s condition deteriorated, and Mirei’s usual 2 hour visits had gone down to 1 and now to 30 minutes. She had brought over some of Kurumi’s bento, only eating half of it during work so she could offer the rest, and even then he could only take a few bites before having to lie down again. 

“She’s a wonderful cook, I’m glad you’re in good hands, Lady Mirei.”

“Pfft, they could never compare to your service. Koike  _ loves _ to test my patience, and Yumino...ugh, so  _ gloomy _ , that girl.”

“I would love to meet them to judge them myself, ohoho”

“No!” The shout was instinctive, and she immediately turned to the side, clutching at the fabric on her lap. “No. You met them already in Mobius anyway.”

“But I imagine Master Lucid must have been a great influence to them as well, no? It is a great wish of mine before I g-”

“-Shut up. That isn’t happening.” 

“Lady Mirei…”

“It isn’t! Shut up! I’m not letting you!”

His cloudy eyes filled with nothing but a bittersweet love and pity, she hated looking at them. She hated his apologies, she hated his weak voice, she hated how much he played along with her even now. Everytime she stepped foot in the nursing home, the hopelessness and melancholy that permeated the air choked out every word she wanted to say. 

Even outside of Mobius, she supposed she could never truly face reality. She knew that even within Mobius, this was inevitable, but it would have been easier to snap and order him around like always among the top of their golden thrones. With their illusion gone, nothing had hid his weakness, and she  _ hated _ looking at it. Every part of her heart had screamed at herself to stop: whenever she made impossible demands or whenever her barbs hit a bit too harshly. Even among her tantrums, she wanted to let Toshizo enjoy his last moments, she wanted to send him off with a smile and gentleness that could even begin to make up for everything he did for her sake. But she was a child. She was always a selfish child. 

“It is as you wish then, Milady.”

She ended up back at the bar that afternoon, like always.

 

* * *

 

Kotono never gave her any greetings when she walked into her bar, instead, muttering a “Back again, huh?” before giving her the cheapest beer she could. Mirei never thanked her, but it wasn’t like she expected much of a service from her anyway. Shogo had been there today as well, alternating between looking through his phone and light talks with Kotono. 

As usual, she sat far enough away from them to not be in their presence, but close enough to overhear whatever conversations they had. If they knew she’d been listening, they gave no indication, or simply didn’t care. 

“I’m thinking of renovating this place soon! I’ve been selling my bento lately, and it’s been pretty popular during the lunches, so it’d be nice to make the full move soon, wouldn’t it?” Kotono had said that day, clapping her hands. Her chipperness grated on her. 

“Oh really? Congrats. I’m happy for you.”

“I want to try serving breakfast here too, maybe change up the hours so we open earlier and don’t stay open all night?”

“Hmm, like a family diner?”

“Exactly!”

Mirei scoffed. The dreams of people who were below her didn’t matter to her at all. Yet, she couldn’t help being a little envious. For someone so flighty and pathetic, for someone who spent so much of her time in Mobius acting as if nothing was her problem, when did Kashiwaba actually get a backbone? Mirei wanted to knock her down. 

“I think it’d be nice for Takkun too, I can spend the nights with him instead of being at work all the time.”

She’d been here far too many times and the amount of times that lady brought him up had annoyed her as well. Who the hell was Takkun? Why hasn’t she ever met him? You’d think a guy brought up in every conversation would visit once in a while, and wasn’t it disgusting, how much she fawned over a man like that?

Shogo and Kotono’s banal chatter, as pointless and irrelevant to her life as it was, provided the perfect background noise to complement the disgusting beer that numbed her anger. Like the annoying infomercials on tv in the middle of the night, it prevented her from drifting to thoughts she’d rather not entertain. Her arguments with Kotono, which were far less explosive and were now relegated to passive-aggressive slams of bills and handing over un-iced beer, redirected her anger to a single source. It was easier to be angry at her right now. Much easier than anything else.

Her phone buzzed, and if she didn’t have so much time to kill (only 3:30, a while before her roommates should expect her home), she would have ignored it.

> **Lucid:** Hi Mirei!
> 
> **Lucid:** What have you been up to?

Her first instinct was to type “None of your business” but she hadn’t spoken to Lucid in a while. Calling them a ‘friend’ was an overstatement, but once in a while, their WIRE conversations were appreciated. 

> **Mirei:** Ugh.
> 
> **Mirei:** Here comes the Mystery Musician, messaging me out of nowhere
> 
> **Mirei:** Mysteriously
> 
> **Lucid:** Not fun huh
> 
> **Mirei:** You think?
> 
> **Mirei:** The real world is no place for someone like me!
> 
> **Mirei:** And it never will be!!
> 
> **Lucid:** You didn’t get fired did you?
> 
> **Mirei:** No. 
> 
> **Lucid:** Then you’re doing fine!
> 
> **Mirei:** You’re so simple-minded
> 
> **Mirei:** What about you, huh? How’s your FOREIGN job
> 
> **Mirei:** How CONVENIENT is it that you had to leave right when you woke up!
> 
> **Lucid:** Um…
> 
> **Lucid:** Sorry….

Something about their reply had instantly grated on her, and without thinking, she typed:

> **Mirei:** Don’t apologize to me!!!
> 
> **Mirei:** I’m not the one you promised to!!
> 
> **Lucid:** ….
> 
> **Lucid:** Toshizo…
> 
> **Mirei:** You KNOW his condition, don’t you?!
> 
> **Mirei:** And you just LEFT him!
> 
> **Lucid:** Mirei…
> 
> **Lucid:** Are you really okay?
> 
> **Mirei:** Shut up!
> 
> **Mirei:** SHUT UP!!

Without even realizing, she had started shaking. It must have been noticeable enough for Kotono to see it too, and she wordlessly left another glass of beer in front of her. How unseemly, how utterly pathetic, a part of Mirei wanted to throw the drink right back at her. 

> **Lucid:** I promise I’ll visit you two soon
> 
> **Lucid:** Really!
> 
> **Mirei:** You think a VISIT is enough?
> 
> **Mirei:** What kind of foolish fool are you??
> 
> **Lucid:** I think he’d be happy with it at least…
> 
> **Lucid:** I assume you’ve been visiting him too, right?

The ‘yes’ that could be tapped out with a flick of three fingers, froze, unsent on the screen of her phone. Her trips to the nursing home had been nothing but quick hellos and goodbyes, with heavy silence amidst that suffocated her every word. She’s been leaving him far too early lately. Could that even count as a visit anymore?

Instead of answering, she erased the message and shoved her phone back in her bag. She could feel Kotono and Shogo’s wary gaze on her, but had opted to ignore them both, downing the offered beer with two gulps. 

“You know…” Kotono started, leaning her elbow against the counter. “Why do you even come back here all the time?”

Feeling the buzz of the phone in her bag, she slammed it onto the counter. Mirei really wasn’t in the mood for this. “It’s cheap so I can save my money for  _ better _ things, that’s why.”

“I’m really not convinced.”

“Can you shut your uppity mouth for once in your damn life?”

The stare the woman gave her was one of irritation, but there was something else there too. It was the look Mirei remembered mother giving her whenever she broke one of her toys in one of her temper tantrums. When she would pat her head and reassure her that ‘it was fine, you just got a little too enthusiastic, darling’. 

“Hmph. Suit yourself.”

So patronizing. She hated looking so weak.

Leaving the bill with no other words, Mirei left. As per usual.

 

* * *

 

> **Ike-P:** hey this might be kinda out of nowhere but
> 
> **Ike-P:** do you guys regret it?
> 
> **Ike-P:** like, going back to the real world and stuff
> 
> **Ike-P:** im sorry you dont have to answer, ignore it haha
> 
> **Mirei:** Do you not have any tact whatsoever?
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** We had to, right?
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** It would be pretty selfish to keep it going when the world would suffer for it.
> 
> **Ike-P:** Kurumi…
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I owed Thorn a lot, but I think a part of me was fine dying with Mobius too.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I’m awful, aren’t I?
> 
> **Ike-P:** no!!
> 
> **Ike-P:** youre not!!!
> 
> **Ike-P:** i mean sure i probably cant really understand WHY but
> 
> **Ike-P:** you have your reasons
> 
> **Mirei:** Why are you asking us this all of a sudden?
> 
> **Ike-P:** ive been thinking
> 
> **Mirei:** For once.
> 
> **Ike-P:** im TRYING to be serious here!
> 
> **Ike-P:** im just saying now that im actually here in the real world
> 
> **Ike-P:** it isnt that bad
> 
> **Ike-P:** i mean sure i dont have a lot of money or a lot of people that like me
> 
> **Ike-P:** but looking back i dont think its worth all… that
> 
> **Ike-P:** im pretty happy with you guys! im training ppl at work
> 
> **Ike-P:** its not SUPER glamorous and i dont exactly have girls falling over for me, but i dont rly need that right?
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I’m happy for you.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Really.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** For me… if I’m being honest, I don’t think I had much going for me.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I ended up in Mobius when I was 16, and I never graduated High School
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I can’t talk, and I can’t get a job, and none of my relatives exactly want to deal with me.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Lucid helped me deal with Biwasaka but… without him, I don’t really know what to do.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** He was so much of the reason I still lived… Revenge was all I ever wanted.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Tomoya. Thank you for inviting me, really.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Don’t let that get to your head.
> 
> **Ike-P:** KURUMIIIII
> 
> **Ike-P:** I LOVE YOU TOO!!
> 
> **Ike-P:** you can stay with me as long as you like! even when i get married
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Somehow I doubt that will be anytime soon
> 
> **Ike-P:** ouch…
> 
> **Mirei:** That’s real great for both of you but SOME of our problems aren’t so easy to solve!
> 
> **Mirei:** This world could burn, for all I care.
> 
> **Ike-P:** would you seriously have killed people for it?!
> 
> **Mirei:** You have to do whatever you need to do to survive.
> 
> **Mirei:** You don’t ask a gazelle about a lion’s life!
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Mirei…
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I understand how you feel but,
> 
> **Mirei:** You don’t.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Toshizo’s still in the nursing home, isn’t he?
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Mirei, I know you’re too prideful to admit anything, and that’s fine.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** But running away from your problems is never going to solve anything.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Didn’t we learn that in Mobius enough?
> 
> **Ike-P:** yeah i mean
> 
> **Ike-P:** i know we werent really friends before
> 
> **Ike-P:** and we argue all the time
> 
> **Ike-P:** and i mean
> 
> **Ike-P:** all. the time.
> 
> **Ike-P:** but you can count on me with your HEART!!
> 
> **Mirei:** You two really don’t know your stations do you.
> 
> **Mirei:** Don’t ever bring him up again if you know what’s good for you.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Whatever, I made white stew tonight

 

* * *

  
  


She’s been coming to the bar for nearly a month when she met Takkun for the first time.

“Wait, what the hell, he’s a  _ kid? _ ”

“Who the  _ fuck _ did you think he was?” Kotono replied, eyes narrowed.

“Language, language…” Shogo muttered, wearily looking at the 4 year old boy. 

“You dedicated it to him when you won that beauty contest- which was totally rigged, by the way- so I thought it was some pathetic man you drape yourself over!”

“Projecting much?”

“How the hell am I supposed to know it was some kid?”

“Not  _ some _ kid, he’s  _ my  _ kid!” 

Shogo looked between them, and quietly led the boy outside, murmuring a “I’ll take him to McDonald’s for now” before leaving the inevitable argument.

“Thanks, Shogo-” Kotono gave a quick wave to them before facing Mirei again. Without the airs she had to put on, her expression was pointed. “Anyway do you have something to  _ say _ , Mirei?”

“ _ Your  _ kid?”

“Yes,  _ my _ kid! I’m a single mom! Are you happy?” she crossed her arms. “Are you gonna call me a whore? A floozy? A stupid bitch that didn’t know how to keep it in her pants? You think I haven’t heard all that? Go ahead!”

“Is the father that guy...”

“Oh, are things finally starting to fall into place in that vacant space you call a brain?” Kotono continued, and Mirei couldn’t help but internally wince. “Yes! You really almost did my job for me by trying to kill him like that. The only reason I saved him was because I couldn’t even  _ stand _ to let you think you won!”

Mirei glared at her, any retorts feeling woefully inadequate in the face of the other woman’s fury.  Among their more subdued and uneasy company, Mirei nearly forgot how vicious she was, barb after barb spilling out of her mouth with no reprieve. Back in Mobius, she’d been too angry to do anything but challenge the other woman, but listening to it now, it just seemed painfully familiar. Anger was easy, anger was protection. She sat down on the bar stool.

“I didn’t realize.”

“Come again?”

“I  _ said _ , I didn’t realize!” Mirei barked back, and leaned her elbow onto the counter. “Too bad it’s too late to do anything to that piece of shit now.”

Kotono cocked her head, the hard glare fading away to something more confused. 

“What? Don’t get the wrong idea, I just  _ hate _ cowards more than anything.” Mirei said, pointing at her.

“Oh please. I’d rather not dwell on him any more than I need to.” she rolled her eyes, but the harsh edge of her voice was all but gone. She sounded more tired than anything, leaning against the counter with a wistful look in her eyes.

Mirei watched her for a moment, and slammed her fist against the table. “How the hell are you supposed to protect your image if you don’t punish the people responsible, huh? They  _ obviously _ deserve it!”

“Why do you even care?”

“Because some men get the idea that they’re above me, the Great Mirei Ichinose, so I just have to show them their place, no?”

“How does that relate to me, exactly?”

“He ruined my kidnapping plan, that’s why.”

“That’s-  _ you’re _ the one that made that mistake!”

“ _ Actually _ , maybe I should blame Mu and Thorn instead, they did give me faulty information.”

“You’re absolutely hopeless...” 

Kotono’s amused chuckle made her freeze, unused to hearing it, at least not so close. The irritation that the other woman had always brought out of her had settled into a sense of satisfaction, and Mirei felt a sudden competitive drive to hear her laugh again. The lack of a biting insult must have been obvious, because Kotono smirked at her.

“You know, you could just sit with us next time, if you behave nicely.”

“And debase myself between peasants like you? No thanks.”

“Aw, I know you want to!”

“You’re not in any place to be questioning me!”

“Shogo’s here all the time anyway, I can handle two big babies.”

“What did you call me?!”

The next time she visited she had indeed ended up sitting a stool closer. As did the next. And the next. Shogo didn’t question it, looking at her and Kotono with a knowing smirk, before recommending her different types of beer.

 

* * *

 

“Shogo isn’t here today either, huh?” Kotono said that day, wiping a glass with a cloth.

“Hmm.”

“He’s been like this since Sea Paraiso. He hasn’t responded to my messages either.”

“Hmm.”

“...I’m worried.”

“Why are you telling me this, exactly?”

“Who says I’m telling you anything? I’m just talking to myself!”

Mirei rolled her eyes, leaning back onto the counter while typing on the phone with one hand.

> **Mirei:** Not that I care, but how did the whole Sea Paraiso thing go?
> 
> **Mirei:** It can’t compare to the one in Mobius, obviously
> 
> **Mirei:** Right?
> 
> **Mirei:** I know neither of you are working right now ANSWER ME!!
> 
> **Ike-P:** ugh
> 
> **Ike-P:** where the fuck are YOU anyway don’t you have today off too?
> 
> **Mirei:** You do not answer a question with a question!
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** It was fun, Amamoto and I exchanged contacts
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I ate a lot
> 
> **Ike-P:** Minezawa sucked up so much of my time that I didn’t really get to bond with the little kittens of the club~
> 
> **Ike-P:** the aquarium is nice tho, but next time!
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** You didn’t complain about it back then…
> 
> **Ike-P:** bc it would be rude! duh!
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** You bought him a… you know nevermind, you’re an idiot.
> 
> **Ike-P:** WHAT DID I DO?
> 
> **Mirei:** Hey, did anything happen with the Go Home Club there?
> 
> **Ike-P:** huh?
> 
> **Ike-P:** why do you ask?
> 
> **Mirei:** What did I tell you about answering a question with a question?!
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** It does seem odd…
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** Do you still have a grudge against Kashiwaba? Because I didn’t spend a lot of time around her, so I can’t tell you much.

Mirei looked over in Kotono’s direction, and hid the phone in front of her.

> **Mirei:** No!! No! I mean in general!!
> 
> **Ike-P:** well now that I think about it…
> 
> **Ike-P:** that Satake guy did have to leave in the middle of it…
> 
> **Mirei:** Why?
> 
> **Ike-P:** geez don’t ask me!!
> 
> **Ike-P:** how the hell would I know?
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I don’t know either but it seemed super important…
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** I think it was to the hospital?
> 
> **Mirei:** Ugh, thanks for nothing.
> 
> **Kuchinashi:** You’re welcome
> 
> **Ike-P:** if youre just gonna bitch, come with us next time

“I really shouldn’t have let him go.”

Mirei paused in her reply, and looked up at Kotono. She quirked an eyebrow upwards.

“Who, Satake?”

“I thought you didn’t care?”

“Hey! Curiosity isn’t a bad thing, is it?”

“No but-” Kotono sighed. “It has nothing to do with you.”

“Doesn’t stop you from whining about it out loud”

“How much do you know about your leader, anyway?”

Mirei blinked, having been caught off-guard by the question. The thought of Thorn was one that she didn’t entertain her much, her predicament and last state one that she shoved to the back of her mind. (It made her bitter, how much she agreed with her back then, how much she wanted to raze this world to the ground. A part of her wanted to know why, but the answer felt like an abyss.) She looked at Kotono with a scrutinizing eye.

“What does Thorn have to do with this?”

“So you don’t.”

“It’s not my fault she’s a cryptic bitch!”

Kotono looked at her pityingly (and even now, when they were on better terms, she  _ hated _ that look, she hated it so much), and sighed. In the ensuing silence, all that sounded was the wipe of  cloth against glass. 

 

* * *

 

Whenever anything particularly interesting or noteworthy had happened, she would tell Toshizo. Whether it be a win in a contest, a purchase of a fancy new coat, her song topping the charts in Mobius, or a new construction project in (the old) Sea Paraiso, she would tell Toshizo. 

It was a habit she’d had since she was a child. She distinctly remembered bringing over a drawing of a misshapen lion (and it was  _ so _ ugly, she thought in hindsight), and his overjoy had been so genuine she couldn’t help but smile back. She shared everything with him, her nightmares, the dolls her parents bought for her, and her days in Sea Paraiso. It had been a habit. Nothing but a habit.

True to his form, he’d done nothing but smile whenever she talked to him now. That’s all he could really do, nowadays, sometimes a hum and a nod there, but she didn’t want him to push himself too much. 

“Thorn visited the other day- you know, our leader bitch? She was knocked out for so long, serves her right.”

“Well, her name is Asuka, actually. Asuka Natsume. Can you believe her nerve? How the fuck did we know nothing about her for  _ so _ long, she’s so cryptic! Like a damn ghost sometimes.”

“Koike tried to flirt with her, because he’s an idiot, and Yumino- well, I think they get along? Which is weird as fuck but I guess they’re both so gloomy it works.”

“Lady Mirei…”

“Don’t push yourself. Do you want water, or tea? Do you want me to call the nurse? Say one word, and only one!”

“You seem… happier.”

Mirei paused, and looked at the man below her. “Don’t waste your breath.” She hated how her voice cracked. 

“I’m proud...of you…”

“Stop talking! That’s an order!”

His smile was peaceful before he succumbed to another spike of coughs, the image of his face soon replaced by a gaggle of nurses that ushered her out. Mirei slammed her fist against the door on her way out.

 

* * *

 

“You look way worse than usual.” Shogo remarked, looking at her out of the corner of his eyes.

“I can say the same for you.”

Kotono seemed to notice the tension as well, wordlessly leaving the beer in front of them before going off to help another customer.

“You visited Thorn, didn’t you? Back then.” Mirei barked, her shoulders hunched over herself. Every part of her wanted to just leave, but she reveled in the way Shogo stiffened.

“Why the hell does it matter to you?”

“She visited our apartment last night, you know.” Mirei remarked casually, slowly feeling the anxiety fade to arrogance. “She told us- me, about  _ you. _ ”

She looked over to see the man bite down on his lip, and smirked. “Have you visited her at  _ all _ after that?”

“Why the  _ hell _ does it matter to you?”

“I hate cowards. Don’t you think it’s about time your lazy ass stop hanging around this place and go face her properly?”

The way the other man curled around himself prompted a sneer from her, and she chugged down the rest of the beer, slamming the cup against the counter. “Kashiwaba, give me another one.”

“You know, you don’t have to provoke him like that. I know you’re probably having a bad day but-”

“Who’s saying that? I’m  _ just _ fine. Do you even know what _ he _ did?”

“I  _ do _ . And I’m saying, that forcing him to do this isn’t right!”

“And leaving Thorn like  _ that _ isn’t? I mean sure, she was annoying, and uppity, and a huge nag, and depressing all the time, but she-”

“-Stop it! Stop it!” Shogo interrupted, with a sudden shout, his voice shaking. “I know. I  _ know _ , Ichinose. Just-” 

“No one who focuses  _ that _ much time on someone doesn’t care about them a little!”

“You say that from experience, Mirei?” Kotono looked at her. Her eyes were knowing despite their gentleness, and Mirei suppressed the shiver that wormed up her back.

“What- No! Just! Just trust me! The Great Mirei Ichinose’s intuition is never wrong!”

“Except for with Ryosuke-”

“Can you shut  _ up! _ ”

Shogo actually seemed to ponder it for a bit, tracing the outline of the beer mug with his fingers. After a heavy sigh he looked at her. 

“Maybe you’re right.”

“Shogo you still shouldn’t push yourself-”

“He was my friend too, Kotono. I don’t think we can ever go back to the way we were, but I don’t want him to hate everything so much… anymore.”

“I can give you her wire ID.” Mirei said, her cheek resting on her palm. “I’m 99% certain she’ll ignore your texts but you’re already pathetic enough to double or triple text so it should be fine.”

“What about you?”

Mirei froze mid-drink. “What  _ about _ me?”

“You said it yourself, there must be a reason you spend ‘your lazy ass’ in this place too.”

“It’s economical.”

Shogo stared at her, and if she was anyone lesser, she would have fidgeted. A (former) noblewoman to the core, she gave a challenging stare back.

“You know, back in Mobius, you had that servant guy, right?” he broke the silence, speaking so quietly as if he was testing the waters. 

“Shut up.”

“What was his name again, Kotono?”

“Toshizo, I think? Actually now that you mention it, the President mentioned him too…”[2]

“Where is he, doesn’t he always hang around you?”

She hated how much her agitation must have shown in her countenance, because Shogo and Kotono had looked at her with much the same pitying look they gave her way back then. 

“Is he-”

“He’s alive.” She said with much more force than she needed to. A traitorous part of her mind supplied her with a ‘for now’ and she wanted to cry.

“...Is he okay?”

“Does it matter to you? None of you knew him.”

“You’ve been coming here almost every day for a month.” Kotono said. “You’re talking to  _ me _ . Obviously, you have some issues you need to sort out too.”

Mirei was too tired to argue by this point. The instinct to bark and bite, insult people so they’d leave her alone- it all felt  _ so _ stupid now. She turned to look to the side, rubbing her temple. 

“Ichinose, while I don’t exactly know what you’re dealing with…” Shogo started. “I think, running away won’t ever be a solution.”

A snort. “Rich, coming from you!”

Shogo gave a sad sigh. “I just… don’t do something you’ll regret in the future. You never know when’s the last time you talk to somebody.”

“Shogo…”

“It’s better to hurt now and not ignore it, right? Otherwise, you might be haunted by it for the rest of your life, thinking, ‘maybe I should’ve done that’”

“You would know best, wouldn’t you.” Mirei quipped.

“Unfortunately.” He gave her a bitter smile.

The bar was quiet in the little corner the three of them had always occupied. It was a ritual, as much as her dinners with Koike and Yumino was, as much as her visits to Toshizo was. It was an act of survival, that soon evolved into her reality. There were no extravagant parties at The Grand Blue, nor people throwing themselves at her feet, but her childhood had long since passed. She took our her phone and typed out a message before she could overthink it, then turned to face the other two adults.

“Hey, are you two free a few hours from now- actually, you don’t have a choice. You’re both coming.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey! Since when did you befriend Kashiwaba?” Koike huffed.

“Why are those two here?” Kotono replied, a finger to her chin.   


“Kashiwaba, Satake, these are my roommates. Yumino, Koike, these are… acquaintances, I suppose.”

“What, friend is too strong a word?” Kotono hummed, an amused smirk on her face.

“I’d rather throw myself in dog filth than call you that.”

Kotono giggled. “You know what they call people like you? A tsundere.”

“You know, I’ve been  _ saying _ that too!” Koike laughed.

Yumino shook her head, but her subdued smile was obvious. 

The group must have been an odd sight in the nursing home, as Mirei had always come alone. She harshly tutted at them to be quiet, and once in front of the now-achingly familiar door, she called out. “Toshizo, I brought them over.”

The smile he wore had been the most brilliant he had ever shone, and for once, Mirei could return it with every part of her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1I had no way to explain this earlier or in any part of this fic, but I assume that people who got into Mobius before they graduated HS could either take a test to jump to a grade theyre in (since Mobius has a high school and I assume people could still pick up most of the curriculum from there) or just go back to class. Shounen Doll, being a shut-in, probably couldn't pass that test and had to repeat his senior year. I needed to explain the fact that SD is in the final cutscene with Suzuna in high school despite being 20 return
> 
>  
> 
> 2Thank you Lucid/President for being a double-agent once again. Yes, they subtly mentioned Toshizo to the both of them when Shogo and Kotono started talking about Mirei showing up at the bar return
> 
>  
> 
> now that im finally done with the set-up chapters, I can finally drive the plot....starting from the next one. any comments or concerns are really appreciated! Id love to meet other caligula stans!!


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